My Life Storeys and Life Stories

Friday, October 07, 2005

Friday Blues

I Was Wrong

I thought I would be very busy. A meeting that was supposed to take up the full morning ended in 30 minutes because my boss got something urgent to deliver. Then the meeting in the afternoon that was supposed to last 2 hours ended in 1 hour because I was too smart at explaining stuff.


Plane of Time

It takes extraordinary circumstances to invoke extraordinary measures. I explored many ways to kill time:

1. Use a dagger - Does not seem to work
2. Use a gun - See above
3. Surf the Internet - I run out of URLs to surf
4. Play games - I am too disciplined to do that at work
5. Smoke - A 5 minutes a stick, I am now at my last stick ...
6. Drink coffee - About 3 cups so far and I bet my shit will turn blackish ...
7. Chat with Suvena - She is drawing some stupid picture and got no time for me ...
8. Gossip - My colleague next cubicle is fasting and got no strength to talk ...
9. Archive my emails - Took me 30 minutes, so whats next??!!
10. Suck thumb - Yah, thats what I am doing now ...


Playing With Time

Then it struck me straight at the heart. If days like this come along, I should have something up my sleeve to tackle them.

1. Arrange for meetings - I am going to talk slower this time
2. Visit other colleagues - I must find some common topics to talk about
3. Start conversation on Instant Messengers - The sound of the keyboard clicking is so sweet and misleading
4. Call Suvena - I wonder what she will be drawing this time .... larvae??
5. Smoke - I need to bring a backup pack
6. Drink coffee - I think I would sip instead of drink ...
7. Bang Sai - Killing 2 birds with 1 stone. Great idea!!
8. Pack my table - Impossible to finish in a day ...
9. Sleep - I must start training to do that with my eyes wide open!
10. Suck thumb - When all else fails ...

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Naked

Or Not Naked

Okay you sick people, the title caught your attention! Hahaha!! I am going to be extremely busy tomorrow, so I thought I would wrap up my blog for the week on this fine sunny day. Unlike the title, I am going to touch on the very topic of humanity, maybe sprinkling the "naked vs not naked" subject as illustrations.

Human beings are very fetish animals, and its apparent everyday of our lifes. Even on cartoon network, we see the fetish work of human beings being broadcasted at poor children watching them. In the cartoons, we see animals wearing clothes!! Yes, aren't animals supposed to be naked all the time. All this garbage embedded into the brains of children resulted in them growing up, and then dressing their pet dogs, pet cats, pet pigs and even pet birds in garments! While the animals should really be naked, human beings end up wanting to clothe them up because Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse wears clothes.

I would really consider human beings as animals too, but the elites would beg to differ. In my opnion, we are the only animal species going around wearing clothes. I do not think there is anything seriously wrong with then since we cannot grow thick fur to protect ourselves from the cold, nor grow thorns to hide ourselves from danger. But, the fetish thing is that human beings want to see other human beings in the flesh; quite like the way they want to see naked animals clothed.

Try renaming a video of Aerosmith's concert into some weird name like "Naked niece and clothed Husky" or "Mother cow taking a shit" and placing them on P2P networks like Limewire or eDonkey, you would end up with hundreds or thousands of people downloading them within days. Thats human fetish for you!

So if humans go around naked by default, we would be scrambling to see people clothed; and if animals wear clothes, humans would rush to see a naked animal. Harsh fact!

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Disgusting

Indemnity

I feel like shit after constantly looking at the picture in my previous blog, even more so after watching the video clip. While I have more than half a mind to remove the picture, I ultimately thoght it best to leave it there for educational purposes. Basically, if you get any strange ailment, please see a doctor and get it healed. Larvaes do not grow in boobs alone, they also grow in other parts of your body after you get a cut or something, and you did not treat it properly. I have heard of people getting larvae in their wounds after falling down and even after insect bites! So take care of yourself if you get any open wounds.

Oh, and considering the shit I am feeling after watching this stuff, I will not be surprised if you feel the same as me. My lady colleague showed me this stuff after she could not forget the grostesque images after watching them a few days ago. I suspect the same may happen to me, and very likely to you too. So, I am including this indemnity clause that if you should end up feeling shitty like me, don't blame me because those are your eyes you are using. If it makes you feel any better, think of the pain I am going through now ... I am having Neh Neh phobia .....


Snippets of the Day

Morte: I am still feeling shitty .... smoking does not help so i now eat salty thing
SilveR: I happily writing client email then you send me this thing, now no mood liao
Morte: haha

Five minutes later ...

SilveR: dun work knn
Morte: haha
Morte: i think i got neh neh phobia now
SilveR says: CB!
Morte says: brrrrrrrr....rrrr
SilveR says: i need to get a dosage of beautiful neh neh from some porn site now. else my impression of neh neh is ruined!
Morte says: Lol

Old Series of Unfortunate Somethings

Larvae

While I am still on the topic of boobs, my colleague showed me a disgusting email today of larvaes. Some innocent woman went for a trip and got some rashes on her boobs when she returned. A few trips to the doctors could not solve the itch until she finally got in touch with some specialist. The specialist managed to find out the problem when he removed the bandages on her boobs, but it was kinda too late. Her right boob became filled with crevices, with larvaes squirming in and out of them. Apparently, they were feeding off her boobs, fatty tissues and milk canals. Yucks! If you are in the circle of trust, and Suvena has your email, you will probably see this email soon enough. There is an attached video clip depicting the removal of the larvae from her boobs. I am having static pulsing through my body ever since I saw that email. This is not explicit nudity, but a medical portrayal of a serious condition. The picture was once here, but was just removed because every single person who had seen it got badly traumatised! Drop me an email if you want to take a chance at it - I still have it snugly saved in my mail folder.


Walk Bright

The general advice to people is to make the right decisions in life so that you can walk on with your head held high. I thought its good advice, and I always strive to do that. When I wrote my last Blog about the bra saga, my recall button was accidentally hit, and I remembered a series of "walk bright" incidents a few months back. Its something light-hearted after going through the trauma of the larvae discussion.

It was another one of those bright and windy day. I was having my break beneath my office tower, watching the clouds and crowd pass me by. Sadly, time crawls when you are working. The rhythmic sway of the trees and kaleidoscopic manifestation of the clouds are sights to behold. Less pleasing to watch are the crowds of officer workers rushing across my eyes in frenzy. At the most opportune time, the gusts of ferocious wind blew across my face and the flared mini-skirt of an office lady in front of me flew up a.k.a. Marilyn Monroe. Wow, she is walking bright! And white :p

The long day ended at 6pm, and I made my way to the MRT station. Right at the same spot beneath my office tower, another few gusts of strong wind blew across the compound and flipped another flared skirt up. This time it was a Malay girl, and her face turned as white as her ... ahem!

Twice a day is coincidental enough, but a third time is great luck! Lady luck is smiling upon me that day. At the traffic junction before the MRT station, I was waiting to cross the road. Across the road was a young lady in another short, flared and pleated skirt. Trust fate to conjure a few more gusts of hurricane. Sure enough, the skirt flipped to reveal another white elephant!

Three times in a day, I witnessed 3 ladies walking bright, wearing the same cutting of short-flared skirt, and with the same whiteness beneath! To the Chinese, it is bad luck to spot the undergarments of ladies. While 3 times in a row is pretty miraculous, I slept early that night, just to play safe.

On recollection, I thought its just weird how these things can happen to a innocent young man like me ... I mean I am so innocent ...

Monday, October 03, 2005

A Series of Unfortunate Somethings

Papayas

I thought she was amazing as she walked non-chalantly out of Carrefour, 2 little papayas hidden beneath her top. Or rather, the security guards must be dreaming again. After I got my stuff from the Carrefour counter, I stepped out to have some fresh air. There she is again, in a red cardigan, still holding the papayas under her top. The Malay girl was talking to her friend. Being the gentleman I had always been, I held my ground, taking in deep breaths of fresh air. Work sucks, and fresh air keeps you awake. Scientists say that the lack of oxygen makes people yawn and feel tired.

The next moment I turned in her direction, she had edged close to me, but she was chatting with a friend who appeared out of nowhere. My eyes zoomed in on the papayas she was still hiding within. Its weird, they are shaped like papayas, but no person in a decent frame of mind would hide papayas beneath their top. Then she giggled, as her friend tickled her laugh glands. They were jelly-like movements, like the quivering of the "Tao Hu", or beancurd.

I suddenly blushed at my own innocence. They were not papayas - those were her unsupported assets. Incidentally, Microsoft had decided not to support Windows 2000 anymore. In any case, I should have known the acnes on either sides were not goosebumps on the surface of the papayas. Thus, began the day my innoncence was cruelly breached ...


See No Evil

I had always thought with smaller eyes, other than looking cuter, I would have an equally smaller chance of seeing things I should not have seen. Moreover, my perfect eyesight had somewhat deteriorated since I started work more than half a decade ago. Hopefully with age, my long-sightedness will contra my short-sightedness problem and eventually give me back my perfect vision. But today, 3rd October 2005, someone had apparently planned my day in advance.

Choo, choo ..... I was on the MRT train on my way home. It is Children's Day, but the train was crowded. I thought parents would have taken a day off to accompany their fun-deprived kids. The mentality driven into parents these days is to Push And Push their children to learn everything with what available time there is - its all education and little play. Anyway, I got my favourite spot against the side of the doorway. At every station, people forced their way in, and my limited space became no space.

Then, at Red Hill station, a bony middle-aged lady came in and stood right in front of me, perpendicular to be exact. I thought she stood on my toes for quite a while and refused to move. I tried to look down at my toes, loe and behold, I saw only skin beneath 2 flaps of soft styrofoam pads. She was wearing a cardigan over a spaghetti strapped top, but her spaghetti top seemed a little too big for me, and was way below her Brazil!! And since Brazil was bigger than Singapore, and she was in fact in Singapore, err need I say more??!! Okay, I will just say one more - her Singapore is too small for Brazil, so there are big openings all over. I tried in vain to preserve my innocence, looking over her head, but instinctively looking down whenever she applied too much pressure on my toes.


Clementi Station

From my past experiences, I am beginning to have great expectations whenever the train stops at Clementi station. My expectations were not let down as a big group of ladies squeezed their way into the train at Clementi. The Singapore-Brazil saga was over as they somehow pushed her all the way in, and they took over the mantle. I thought I had seen the end of the runway, but Rocky Mountains decided to pay me a visit. Some young lady decided to embrace the pole beside the wall I am leaning on. As she hugged it passionately, Rocky landed his vicous blows on my poor triceps. I was cornered, and had no way to go. Tears gleened in my eyes as I endured the treacherous journey to the next station where I will alight. My innocence was hammered each time Rocky smacked and brushed his punches against me. It was 5 minutes, but it seemed forever, when the train finally stopped and I jumped off. Soon, very soon, I will be home ...

I hopped onto my next train as it arrived a good few minutes later. It was similarly packed. I made my way to the opposite doorway but my spot was taken by 2 apnn girls. The journey home is going to be short, so missing the luxury of standing at that G-spot will not be that bad. Never did I expect to find Brazil standing just next to me!! I shifted to her front and made myself comfortable. At least no more runway incidents, I thought. But no, she learnt a new trick! She is now a butt kisser. Brazil had turned around and was butt kissing my butt. Yucks! I had no more space to move in front, nor sideways as the rubba rubba rubba continues. My innocence bled as the train crawled towards my station.

After I alighted, I hastily walked home, wanting to forget the damage done. It was like my innocence was smeared with shit. I guess theres only one way to make things right - get the shit out of my system, away from my innocence. Naturally, I went to bang sai. Everything felt more positive after that. My entire self was at peace. I thought through the whole episode, reflecting on the day's events. It was a good 30 minutes before I uncovered my un-doing. I forgot to bang sai at 11am this morning because I was too caught up with work; I forgot to red rid of the shit before shit caught up with me!!


Morale of the story

This reminds me of a phrase my maternal grandmother likes to use - "Sai Gao Kah Cheng", meaning the shit reach the a$$-hole liao. She uses it whenever someone does things at the last minute. The way she will say it goes something like "Ah Nua Mai Za Cho, Ai Dan Ga Sai Gao Kah Cheng Ga Cho, Buay Hu Liao Lah!!", meaning why not do earlier, wait unitl shit reach the a$$-hole then do, now cannot make it already.

But in the context of my bad experience, when the "Sai Gao Kah Cheng", better go and shit, or it will come back to haunt you .....