A Series of Unfortunate Somethings

Papayas

I thought she was amazing as she walked non-chalantly out of Carrefour, 2 little papayas hidden beneath her top. Or rather, the security guards must be dreaming again. After I got my stuff from the Carrefour counter, I stepped out to have some fresh air. There she is again, in a red cardigan, still holding the papayas under her top. The Malay girl was talking to her friend. Being the gentleman I had always been, I held my ground, taking in deep breaths of fresh air. Work sucks, and fresh air keeps you awake. Scientists say that the lack of oxygen makes people yawn and feel tired.

The next moment I turned in her direction, she had edged close to me, but she was chatting with a friend who appeared out of nowhere. My eyes zoomed in on the papayas she was still hiding within. Its weird, they are shaped like papayas, but no person in a decent frame of mind would hide papayas beneath their top. Then she giggled, as her friend tickled her laugh glands. They were jelly-like movements, like the quivering of the "Tao Hu", or beancurd.

I suddenly blushed at my own innocence. They were not papayas - those were her unsupported assets. Incidentally, Microsoft had decided not to support Windows 2000 anymore. In any case, I should have known the acnes on either sides were not goosebumps on the surface of the papayas. Thus, began the day my innoncence was cruelly breached ...


See No Evil

I had always thought with smaller eyes, other than looking cuter, I would have an equally smaller chance of seeing things I should not have seen. Moreover, my perfect eyesight had somewhat deteriorated since I started work more than half a decade ago. Hopefully with age, my long-sightedness will contra my short-sightedness problem and eventually give me back my perfect vision. But today, 3rd October 2005, someone had apparently planned my day in advance.

Choo, choo ..... I was on the MRT train on my way home. It is Children's Day, but the train was crowded. I thought parents would have taken a day off to accompany their fun-deprived kids. The mentality driven into parents these days is to Push And Push their children to learn everything with what available time there is - its all education and little play. Anyway, I got my favourite spot against the side of the doorway. At every station, people forced their way in, and my limited space became no space.

Then, at Red Hill station, a bony middle-aged lady came in and stood right in front of me, perpendicular to be exact. I thought she stood on my toes for quite a while and refused to move. I tried to look down at my toes, loe and behold, I saw only skin beneath 2 flaps of soft styrofoam pads. She was wearing a cardigan over a spaghetti strapped top, but her spaghetti top seemed a little too big for me, and was way below her Brazil!! And since Brazil was bigger than Singapore, and she was in fact in Singapore, err need I say more??!! Okay, I will just say one more - her Singapore is too small for Brazil, so there are big openings all over. I tried in vain to preserve my innocence, looking over her head, but instinctively looking down whenever she applied too much pressure on my toes.


Clementi Station

From my past experiences, I am beginning to have great expectations whenever the train stops at Clementi station. My expectations were not let down as a big group of ladies squeezed their way into the train at Clementi. The Singapore-Brazil saga was over as they somehow pushed her all the way in, and they took over the mantle. I thought I had seen the end of the runway, but Rocky Mountains decided to pay me a visit. Some young lady decided to embrace the pole beside the wall I am leaning on. As she hugged it passionately, Rocky landed his vicous blows on my poor triceps. I was cornered, and had no way to go. Tears gleened in my eyes as I endured the treacherous journey to the next station where I will alight. My innocence was hammered each time Rocky smacked and brushed his punches against me. It was 5 minutes, but it seemed forever, when the train finally stopped and I jumped off. Soon, very soon, I will be home ...

I hopped onto my next train as it arrived a good few minutes later. It was similarly packed. I made my way to the opposite doorway but my spot was taken by 2 apnn girls. The journey home is going to be short, so missing the luxury of standing at that G-spot will not be that bad. Never did I expect to find Brazil standing just next to me!! I shifted to her front and made myself comfortable. At least no more runway incidents, I thought. But no, she learnt a new trick! She is now a butt kisser. Brazil had turned around and was butt kissing my butt. Yucks! I had no more space to move in front, nor sideways as the rubba rubba rubba continues. My innocence bled as the train crawled towards my station.

After I alighted, I hastily walked home, wanting to forget the damage done. It was like my innocence was smeared with shit. I guess theres only one way to make things right - get the shit out of my system, away from my innocence. Naturally, I went to bang sai. Everything felt more positive after that. My entire self was at peace. I thought through the whole episode, reflecting on the day's events. It was a good 30 minutes before I uncovered my un-doing. I forgot to bang sai at 11am this morning because I was too caught up with work; I forgot to red rid of the shit before shit caught up with me!!


Morale of the story

This reminds me of a phrase my maternal grandmother likes to use - "Sai Gao Kah Cheng", meaning the shit reach the a$$-hole liao. She uses it whenever someone does things at the last minute. The way she will say it goes something like "Ah Nua Mai Za Cho, Ai Dan Ga Sai Gao Kah Cheng Ga Cho, Buay Hu Liao Lah!!", meaning why not do earlier, wait unitl shit reach the a$$-hole then do, now cannot make it already.

But in the context of my bad experience, when the "Sai Gao Kah Cheng", better go and shit, or it will come back to haunt you .....