Ah Pu Neh Neh

Its So Hard To Say I'm Sorry

This is almost like a brand new article. I was extremely honest with my opinions in the first edition, but was worried people might get the wrong idea. So I came out with the second edition. Uber templar Davienne then hinted that she was concerned I might become the victim of a money-making plot, so here goes Ah Pu Neh Neh third edition.

They are called ah pu neh neh (or apnn) by people on the streets since donkey years ago. I am also going to call them apnn because everybody calls them apnn. Hate to end up like those poor bloggers who kena defamatory suits because they were honest. Just happened that those people whom they blogged about got the money to engage a lawyer to sue them. After the lawsuits, these people will probably end up with more money to sue other bloggers. What a vicious cycle!

To give a very balanced view, let me clarify that I do like our native apnn. I got lots of apnn friends and we play football together in a league. Conversely, I have my reservations when it concerns "apnn imports". I have personal bad experiences with them, and I would like to describe these incidents in my blog to share with my friends. If you are not my friends, and you think you might be peeved with my stories, please get lost! However, if you are going to enjoy the contents of my true stories, do read on and enjoy!

Typically, I tend to get crashed in by apnn when I am taking the MRT. Might be my handsome looks, but whether men or women, young or old, they just like to stand very close to me. In fact, I would be able to feel the hair on their skin, the breath from their nose, and the magic oil (no idea what those are called) many of them apply. Personally, I prefer the smell of the Axe brand oil.

Have you ever heard apnn talk on the phone? I got on the MRT at City Hall station and there were 2 male apnn standing next to me. When the train reached Raffles Place station, one of the apnn's phone rang. From the moment he picked up his phone, all he said was "okay" while swivelling his head like he was on drugs. He probably said "okay" at average intervals of 10 seconds, so mathematically, on the 23 minute ride from Raffles Place station to Jurong East station, he would have said 138 times of "okay" and swivelled his head 138 times. Out of the 140 words he said, 138 of them were the same words. In case you did not know, the other 2 words were "hello" and "bye". Anyway, he swivelled his head only 139 times because he was trying to catch his balance once when he said "okay", and absent-mindedly forgot to shake it.

Apnn probably are not used to the humidity. They tend to end up in the MRT with 2 different shades and 4 spots on their shirts. It could be fashion, but 2 big round patches at the chest and back, plus 2 smaller patches of circles at the arm-pits do not appeal the least to me. Many times, these apnn stretched their hairy arms over my head to grab the pole, or the hand-hold in the train. Although I am taller than them in most cases, but I cannot stand the sight of their wet arm-pits in my face. Its basic courtesy not to do things like that. The shorter species of the human race would probably have drowned in the sea of sorrows!

Now, to the very incident that spurred me to write this article. Just a couple of days ago, I was rudely awakened by some stupid apnn in the MRT train. I was very fortunate to have found a seat on the train that day - it was 13th September 2005. A seat basically meant that I could nap my way home from Bugis station. The train became very crammed as I sat on the seat dozing on and off. On one of the stations that was not underground, the apnn stepped into the train. I was asleep with my legs nicely crossed and tucked. All of a sudden, I felt a shoe on my lap! This stupid fat apnn tried to cross over almost my entire body in the midst of the crowd because he found an available hand-hold. There was absolutely no standing space there even though the hand-hold was available but the stupid apnn persisted. After he had 1 of his fat legs across, he lost his balance and the trailing leg stepped onto my lap, close to my precious. I was absolutely shocked, and even more disgusted when I saw that apnn. I stared fiercely at him, hoping for at least a word of apology, but he acted blur and looked away. A few minutes passed, and he was still pretending to be enjoying the scenery outside. I was utterly pissed, so I grabbed out my Nokia mobile phone, set it to silent mode and aimed it at the apnn!

"Click click!!" The sound from my handphone resonated across the carriage. At this moment, I realised that Nokia phone's silent mode applies only to the ring tone and message beeps, not to the camera functions. Despite the commotion, the apnn still tried to act blur. I continued to monitor him until he finally alighted at Clementi station. Here he is, the Clementi apnn who refused to apologise!

Meaning of Joke

From the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, the word "joke" means:

Main Entry: ¹joke
Pronunciation: 'jOk
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin jocus; perhaps akin to Old High German gehan to say, Sanskrit yAcati he asks
1 a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist b (1) : the humorous or ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting : KIDDING joke> c : PRACTICAL JOKE d : LAUGHINGSTOCK
2 : something not to be taken seriously : a trifling matter joke -- Harold Callender> -- often used in negative construction joke to be lost in the desert>

The joke below is meant to provoke laughter and is something not to be taken seriously. If you cannot take jokes, please leave my Blog immediately. Otherwise, by reading on, you are accepting the paras below as humourous and senseless banter.


The Joke Proper

A policeman went to the hairdresser one day to have his hair cut. After he got his 2 by 4 style done, he was stopped from paying by the hairdresser.

"This week is Charity Week. I am doing this for free," remarked the hairdresser. The policeman was touched and he came back the next day with a box of donuts for the hairdresser.

On the same day the policeman presented the hairdresser with the donuts, a politician came to the same hairdresser for a hair cut. The hairdresser refused payment after completing the job, citing Charity Week as the reason. The politician was pleasantly surprised and he came back the next day with matching white shirt and skirt as gifts for the hairdresser.

After the politician left, an apnn visited the hairdresser for hair rebonding. Its a tough job with the pubic curls and such, but she finished it and similary refused payment because it is still Charity Week. The apnn was very pleased. He thanked the hairdresser and left in a hurry.

The next day, the hairdresser came to work as usual. Its the last day of Charity Week. When she arrived at her salon, she found 20 apnn waiting outside her salon .....