Err ... Episode V ...

Episode V: The Armpit Strikes Back

Its not even remotely related to cysts, doctors or old female virgins. Rather, its an account of how much depression old virgins can cause people, especially their employers. My earlier stories were of the negative things old virgins can cause their colleagues and subordinates. I thought I should tell the story of my friend who runs his own pharmaceutical company, the agony he went through after employing 2 categories of old virgins.

He began to source for an accounts person when he realized he needed someone to manage his accounts full-time. That probably meant that his business is going uphill pretty fast. After some searching, he got himself an old female virgin to handle his accounts. She is experienced, and seemed a confident and likeable person to work with during the interview. Everybody loves working with a friendly and obliging other. That’s before she started work.

When she began work, her true colors permeated her wrinkled skin that’s covered with a thick layer of moisturizing lotion. All her backsides (err... bad sides) started showing, and my friend began to have a hard time with her. She has to be correct all the time, and can never lose any debate with her boss. Plus, she’s just too unstable emotionally, and difficult to work with. Anyway, my friend was fortunate to be rid of her eventually …

Determined not to make the same mistake twice, he went for a guy this time. Typically, guys have better temperament than woman, and are less emotionally wrecked. However, his mistake this time was that he got an old virgin man. This new accounts person has a very thick skull, and is extremely difficult to get anything into his brain. Plus, he has got this sense of inferiority that causes him to over-sensitive and insecure. Although not as bad as the old female virgin before, this old virgin man is still a PITA to work with. Luckily, my friend was rid of him eventually too.

Bad luck usually comes in threes, but my friend refused to succumb to fate’s mockery. This time, he went for a younger (early 30s) lady, single (but getting married soon) and “genuinely” pleasant. She is going to start work soon.

I wish my friend the best of luck! He is a really nice person, and I hope he gets a really nice accounts person this time. Its really partially my fault he had to go through this agony – I should have warned him about the pain involved working with old virgins (females especially). But then again, what better way to learn is there than to experience things first hand!

If you have the pre-requisites to become an old female virgin, please work hard against it. You are unlikely to turn back time, neither is it very feasible to change gender. The most convenient way to get out of this vicious trap is probably to lose that red spot on your hand – my pig fri dog ends might be willing to make that sacrifice. Personally, its better to get hitched, married and emotionally secured for the rest of your life.

Remember this, I have never had any pleasant experiences with old virgins, with the exception of one lady who chose to take care of her illness-stricken mother. Don’t become an old female virgin – May The Force Be With You!

Back to the gist of this post. I have seen women with unshaven unpits, and unsightly bushes. I could have sworn they look like wings when they spread their arms as they take flight to grab the hand-holds on trains and buses. Either its the fashion now, or shavers are getting too costly to own. As far as I can guess, it seemed the hairy armpits are striking back!

PS: I think I am getting a little mixed up right now, haha!!