Baby Eyes

Chest Expander

2009-02-28T19:54:00.002+08:00

My chest has been overflowing with anger since noon today. It is getting tighter since then as the minutes passed. Unless the issue is quickly resolved, I may just explode anytime. All I can say is stop touching my personal belongings and placing them elsewhere!!!!!

Job References!!

2008-10-13T16:06:00.000+08:00

Doing Business

Okay, I am trying to set up my own business. I gave myself 6 months to make it happen. Evaluating progress so far, I would probably need another 6 months above the 2 months I had already spent ...

Risk Taker??

In face of the economic downturn, I am still trying to make this business venture happen. Giving myself 6 months is already a significant risk. It is a good time to manage my risks.

Looking for Jobs!!

Therefore, I am "officially" looking for a job. If a job offer comes first, I will put aside the business venture. I am now appealing to my "audience" to let me know if you have any jobs available in your company, or through your contacts!

Drop me an email please if you do :)

Continuation of Suayness

2008-05-22T18:49:00.000+08:00

Salvation Army vs. Rain

Well, I thought I should do some good deeds to improve my Karma, so my wife and I decided to donate the speakers to the Salvation Army. I managed to move the 2 boxes of speakers (the heavier huger and weighing 22 kilos) into my car. The day was bright and sunny as I headed to Praiseheaven branch of the Salvation Army. When I reached the place, I stepped out of my car into the warm sun in my face. Then I opened my back door to remove the huge speakers. Suddenly, it rained heavily - continuation of yesterday's story ... in the rain I moved the other speakers to the donation corner, rushed into the car and drove home. It was raining heavily still when I reached home but the moment I stepped into the house, the rain stopped completely.

So I visited the "Four Horse" Road Guan Yin temple to pray my streak of bad luck away. I strongly look forward to better days ahead!!!

Never Been So Suay & Stupid In My Life

2008-05-22T00:14:00.001+08:00

Stupidity and Suayness

Why suay? I went to Suntec City today, and was stopped by a couple of fellas in a van asking me about purchasing a home theatre system. The claimed thattheir China worker loaded extras into the van thanthey were supposed to deliver. Normally, I would just say "No" and walk away. Today, I was stupid enough to see the goods and make a ridiculous offer of $400 bucks for a system supposedly worth $3000. Before I agreed, I tried calling the 2 "audio experts" I know, but Paul was overseas (so I hung up), while I could not get hold of Shawn. Anyway, thats my maximum tolerance of being conned and they took it. And yes, I know it sounds dumb to have a maximum "con threshold". So, I was conned of $400 bucks for a system that is probably worth about $250. Probably it was because I was rushing for a dinner appointment, but again its a dumb excuse ... anyway, my phone hung on me during dinner - it was only after dinner before I got it running again ...

After dinner, I wanted to tell my wife about it and be scolded for my stupidity. I never felt so dumb in my life before. However, I had to send my dinner partner back to office before I could call my wife to remonstrate my idiocracy. And so I did, and was given a deserved lecture.

Then I reached home, thinking forget it, how bad can things get. The moment I stepped out of the car and moved the smaller speakers box out, it started to rain extremely heavily on me!!! Nevermind, I ran in the rain with my laptop and speakers back home. Guess what, the lift at my block was stuck at the 2nd floor and refused to come down for me so I had to walk the flight of stairs back home ... bad luck again ...

My luck was so good that Shawn called me just as I was opening the door and rushing into my wife's warm embrace. That call delayed my hug for a good 30 minutes ....

As I was changing, my Hugo Boss belt buckle broke into 2 pieces. Excellent! My favorite working belt died on me ... Then the phone rang ... bad news on the phone I should not mention here ... The day did not end here, I had to drive off somewhere to address the bad news and got home almost midnight. Guess what, I forgot to take my new book out of the car ...

This day of suayness and stupidity is 21st May 2008, the day that I was supposed to be getting my pay, but it was delayed until the following week because 26th May would be my last day of work in my current company. Neverthesless, I know this day of stupidity and suayness will allow me to grow a little smarter, and the incense between my eyes from my mother-in-law would have ridden me of the streak of back luck hounding me

Do You Want To Know Anguish & Disappointment?

2008-01-31T12:01:00.000+08:00

Predictions

I took 2 weeks leave until the Chinese New Year so that I can finish up the Chinese New Year shopping and stuff. I had plans but yet I know that she will find a reason or some circumstances will occur that will end up having her disrupt my plans.

My first suspicion - she will be sick for some reason and stay at home during that period.

My second suspicion - she will take leave out of the blue, and at the last minute to stay at home.

My third suspicion - she will come up with some stuff at the last minute and ask me to do despite already knowing that I will be on leave weeks in advance.

All of my predictions came true!

Sick

She woke up with a neck ache and headache on Tuesday and cannot head to work on Wednesday. I told her to see a doctor and get it fixed and she said okay. I ran some errands, came home in the afternoon, and she told me that she did not see a doctor. She said she is feeling better now, so she will just take leave for the day. It is utterly dumb in my opinion to take leave because you are sick, refusing to see a doctor to get medication (so that you can recover) and of course, get sick leave that you thoroughly needed. Moreover, she is studying part-time, and she needs all the leave she can get for her exams. Well, later that evening, she started complaining about her neck ache and headache again. I offered her advice to see the doctor now but she refused. Would seeing a doctor and getting medical leave earlier in the day or even right now completely resolve the problem already? Yes! I do not know how to describe this - stupidity or just plain laziness??!!

Sick Again

On Thursday, I woke up to find that she is again not at work. She said she is still feeling bad and needed to rest another day so she took another day of leave. There goes another day of leave for her exams. I asked her to see the doctor and she refused, claiming that she will again feel better just sleeping at home, without the aid of medication from a doctor. Again, seeing a doctor, getting the right medication and taking medical leave makes more complete sense. I am extremely disappointed to say the least ...

Disruptions

She needed to visit the ATM machine to get some cash. In the last many days, I offered her at least half a dozen times when we were near or going to pass by an ATM machine, she will refuse citing reasons such as it is very late already; I have no time; I do not feel like going there now. Similarly, she wanted her jeans altered, and I offered to send her there when we have the chance to pass by the tailor on umpteen occasions, but again, she cited the same reasons, which to me, are just plain and lame excuses.

Today, I had plans to go cut my hair and then catch up with some friends I have not met like forever for lunch or drinks. As I went for my haircut, I woke her up and reminded her to take her jeans to the tailor because Chinese New Year is just around the corner, so do it before it is too late. Incidentally, the tailor is just across the road from my house. She said, "I do not want to walk there, later I want to go to the ATM to get cash so drive me to these 2 places." Thats after offering the chance to send her to these places so many times already! Very incidentally again, the ATM machine is also at the market where the tailor is.

Conclusion

Laziness, over-dependence and chao keng! I do not know what else to say!! I am extremely angry, disappointed, frustrated and sad. You are going to fall down and pick yourself up from now onwards - I am not going to give you a helping hand again.

Know Thyself Best Is Thyself

2007-12-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

A few minutes past midnight, I asked my wife "Do I look any different?"

She stared at me for a long time and said "You looked pale ..."

"What else?" I asked inquisitively ...

"Your face is a litle oily ..." she remarked.

Wiping away the excessive lard on my cheek, I tried again "Anything else?"

"Nope, I think thats all ..." she concluded.

"I thought I had aged. I am 1 year older than I was 3 minutes ago." I sighed.

I think I know myself best!!

Her Little New Hope

2007-11-20T16:09:00.000+08:00

You always believe dramatic sob stories appear only in movies, but the devil is as real as the air you breathe. These are things you do not really see, but intangibles that you can sense somehow. Check out My Little New Hope ... so depressing ...

This is one side of the story, but when 2 hands clap, you hear thunder. Its like some people - the moment you see them, you sense something about them that pisses you off, without knowing the person or hearing anything about them from others. On so many occassions, I wil get this 6th sense about a person that either makes me dislike him/her straight away, or want to hum dum the fella. That guy in the picture has a certain look that is so inviting, so begging people to hum dum him when you see him - and thats even before reading the chain of events. I even thought that it was a happy blog until I read on.

Anyway, heres the link again: http://mylittlenewhope.blogspot.com/

A Pair of Virgins!

2007-11-20T16:00:00.000+08:00

How many virgins can you find amongst your friends in their 30s? Not many really ... you can try checking for the little red dot on their forearms to find the symbol of virginity, but the closest you can get to finding the red dot is likely between the eyes of some of your friends.

The good news is I have just found my virginity! And a pair of pure, untouched, innocent virginity even!

Take a close look at the picture - those are my big toes, with the nails freshly removed. If you examine even closer, you can notice an extremely thin, virgin layer of nail beginning to form. These are my double virginities that were borned to me!

Excuse me, are you a virgin??!!

The Emergence of a Rock Legend

2007-11-09T14:48:00.000+08:00

Guitar Hero III

Yes, I have the Playstation3 version of Guitar Hero III in my hands. I got it last night and managed to get the guitar synchronized to work with my console. And yes, I feel exhausted after jamming through a number of songs! I feel I am getting the hang of it bit by bit!

Whats So Great About it?

Quite frankly, if you have never thought much of Guitar Hero III, you might as well continue to do so because you DO NOT have the blood of a rocker running through your veins. The impulse to swing your body to the beat, bang your head to the strings, immerse yourself into the beads of perspiration through vigorous pumping for the crank bar, and pump your fists in victory at the end of a decent performance - thats the making of a ROCK LEGEND!!

Who the Hell is Axel Steel?

Copyright sucks! You get to choose your lead guitarist in the band you formed. I found my lead in a character called Axel Steel, which I thought might be a distant relative of Axel Rose. If I progressed further in the ladder, I might end up with Smash, probably a distant relative of Slash; perhaps I may find Aussie Osbourne, father of Ozzy??!!

Crash

Guitar Hero III has an integrated online ladder, where you can find rankings of players from WII, Xbox and PS3 in the same place. I have not tried it yet, but I hope the multiplayer online mode can accommodate players from different consoles collaborating to beat the King of Rock! My band, Crash is just beginning, but give it some time, you will find me somewhere prominent on the ladder rankings soon! Hopefully its prominently near the top as opposed to some distinguished bottom spots :p

Yeah!!!!!!!!!

The Impossible Quiz (Hints Provided)

2007-10-16T17:09:00.000+08:00

Try this! I have died doing this quiz. In fact, I am going to give you the hints somewhere below. If you can complete this first time with my hints, I salute you!

The Impossible Quiz

1 - Four
2 - No, But a Tin Can
3 - K.O
4 - Click "The Answer"
5 - Press the button then without releasing the mouse move over to the next button.
6 - Shallots
7 - An Elephant
8 - Below the E is a green check mark that says OK. Click it
9 - Top right box ("That One")
10 - Teeth
11 - n
12 - Click the dot abobe the i in the word "Click"
13 - F'TAANG
14 - TORCH
15 - Spell HORSE
16 - H
17 - Click the level number (17)
18 - Hammer
19 - Blue,Orange,Green,Green,Yellow
20 - Seal
21 - Top left box
22 - +1 Skip
23 - BRAN
24 - Click the "V" in the word "lives" (bottom left)
25 - Shoe Polish
26 - Arsefacey
27 - Go to 28
28 - Abundance
29 - Egg mayonaise
30 - (See Q5)
31 - Woof. Woof. Woof.
32 - Babycham and human feaces
33 - 7
34 - Move your cursor off the screen until all 3 elephants are in
35 - Wait. Click the button when it appears
36 - A walk
37 - Of Course Not
38 - Mary Rose
39 - Cylindrical Adventures
40 - (See Q5)
41 - Click on Afro
42 - Click the 42nd 42 (Bottom row second from the left)
43 - Tom Cruise
44 - Complete the puzzle. Click in the little circle in the arrow, top right.
45 - Top right
46 - Bottom Left
47 - Click the button
48 - SNAAAAKE! (Top right)
49 - SPLAPP-ME-DO
50 - O.K.
51 - Keep clicking on the left monster (blue one)
52 - Second from the right (3rd from left)
53 - But PA might not.
54 - No, about 20cm off the ground
55 - QUICK! Top right. A game console for wholemeal biscuits
56 - Click the blue dot, then red, then blue then yellow
57 - Erm one?
58 - Shepards pie
59 - Repeatedly Click on the bottom left thing
60 - Yes
61 - Thumbs up (top left)
62 - Click the moss
63 - Tasteless white filth
64 - Egg > 28
65 - Click on the word "Largest"
66 - QUICK! Click the ! at the end of the question
67 - Big hairy arsonist
68 - Click and hold your mouse from the top of the back of his neck, down his back to his tail and then, let go. Do this over and over until the green bar is full.
69 - Lol, 69!
70 - Using it's anus
71 - Click the top left when it's green
72 - Below the question number
73 - Top-right
74 - Know one knows that
75 - QUICK press the escape button below the level number
76 - Sugar, Honey, Honey
77 - Question 77
78 - Four
79 - Click the "u" in "what do you mean".
80 - Filthy Romanians
81 - Move mouse up and down pole repeatadly
82 - Click all the nails
83 - National Dislexic Association
84 - Move over the button. Right click. When you see the star. Click on it.
85 - I loved it!
86 - The Prince
87 - In the circle 87 click the invisible dot
88 - Click repeatadly on his foot as fast as you can
89 - Blindness
90 - Nonce
91 - Tear paper from left to right. Start about 2/3 way down on left. You don't have to click. Just find the start of the tear and follow it across the page with your mouse
92 - Click in descending order... 194, 27, 26, 14, 9, 3, 2.5, 1, 0.4
93 - Drag the bomb away from the upper right corner. The arrow is under it.
94 - Do Nothing. Bomb is a dud.
95 - Move mouse off-screen. When the cat chases the bug, click the button
96 - A right mess
97 - +10 Times
98 - The WORDS Blue, Red, Blue, Yellow (Be careful)
99 - Click the sign when the lights turn green
100 - Two
101 - Type chihuahua
102 - Touch the circles but not the squares, when a small square appears, don't touch anything.
103 - Find the tomato. Before everything vanishes, put your mouse between the top of the letters "C" and "H"
104 - Click on the sad yellow moon. Bottom right corner
105 - Mouse over and type Banana out of the "B" in gooseberry, the "A" in apple and the SECOND "N" in nectarine
106 - Complete the game and DONT use a skip.
107 - Move your mouse over "I am ignore u" but don't click it, it will come up with game over. Ignore this and wait.
108 - Type in the missing numbers WITH SPACES. (4 8 15 16 23 42)
109 - click the monkey as quickly as possible, click it's poop, click the arrow in the poop.
110 - You must use ALL the skips in the game. Make sure you got the ones from the space level.

Chao Keng

2007-10-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

If you begin saying things about your colleagues who go on MC often, make sure you are not someone who does the same thing. When you take MCs like 5 or 6 times a month, especially on Mondays, you are in no position to criticize others. Because when you do, you become a hypocrite, and I think lowly of hypocrites!

If you have a few ailments when you visit the doctor, yet only remembered to consult the doctor for only 1 ailment, you are a waste of time and money. You waste money by having to go to the doctor again. You waste your company’s time, the doctor’s time and your won time. When you do this, you are basically hoping to save your ailments for future MCs.

If you are really unwell, you visit the doctor first thing in the morning. You do not lie on the couch watching TV, and eventually visiting the doctor in the afternoon or evening. When you do this, you are not really so sick that you need to see a doctor.
If you visit a doctor to get MC for minor cases of migraine, a little pimple on your body or some strains, you are basically a “Chao Keng”. Lazy people who do not like to work will tend to do this.

If you belong to the categories above, count yourself lucky that you still have a job; because if you are ever my staff, you will be gone before you know it. I easily give away off days and time off for my staff whenever they need it, but when they like to go on MC for the above reasons, they will get nothing from me except the cuttle-fish!

If you do not know what kind of a person you are, the tables below will provide some guidance:

If you belong to the categories of Chao Keng or a bit Chao Keng, you can be sure you do not have my respect, and I am sure you will be talked behind your back by your friends and colleagues. Being in these 2 categories affect not only yourself negatively, but will also implicate you friends, colleagues and relatives. Importantly, your colleagues have to clear your shit because you do not come to work as you please; your relatives have to worry about you losing your job because of your bad behavior; your friends will be put off by your Chao Keng attitude whether they tell you or not.

SO, DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE A CHAO KENG??

Rant & Rend

2007-08-13T12:07:00.000+08:00

Done!

The Things I Do For Free Tickets

2007-08-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

http://www.nuffnang.com.sg/public/event04.php

I would usually not have done this, but a series of events created this impulse that would last just for the few minutes I spent writing this.

Firstly, I got huge bills to settle from my business trips abroad last month. Thats a very big hole in my pocket for August.

Then, I got my road tax renewal from the garment. Another hole in my pocket ...

Most unfortunately, I opened my letter box after I paid my road tax to receive my income tax form, which requires another big hole in my tiny pocket.

In a nutshell, I am broke! I will give the garment my Ang Pao after the garment's birthday.

Very nicely, garment day falls on my broken month, so I have nowhere to go and nothing to do during that pubic holiday. So here I am, writing some cock stuff, hoping to gain sympathy for tickets to entertain myself on others' expenses!

Thing No 1
I will remember to pay the garment Ang Pao before the end of the month so that I will not end up paying more.

Thing No 2
I will wear red on garment day to hopefully win some prizes to spruce up my movie day (if I win anything at all).

Thing No 3
I will drive to work after peak hours so that there will be less jams on the roads; in other words, so that I do not have to pay unnecessary Ang Pao.

Thing No 4
I will continue to find jobs outside of the CBD so that there will be less jams in the city; also so that I do not have to pay Ang Pao.

Well, a few minutes' up! I just lost my motivation to write corny stuff. Give me my tickets and I will grant you 3 wishes for free!!

Yawns ...

2007-07-30T11:37:00.000+08:00

When you get ready to go out in the morning, you wear clothes that match the occasion, and most likely to match the weather conditions. I will wear something thicker on a cold and rainy day; probably something more revealing on a hot day. My body and mind interprets the conditions and the appropriate course of action is taken.

Similarly, when I order a cold cup of soya bean milk, I expect to be able to stick in the straw and enjoy the drink straight away. If the vendor gives me a hot cup my mistake, I would hurt myself when I stick the straw in and slurp. My body and mind is conditioned for a cold drink, not a hot drink; so its natural to get hurt if conditions do not match.

When you are riding in someone else's car (someone you are not very close to), you would almost always ask before you turn on the volume or turn up the air-conditioning. However, you take in for granted when you are riding in your father's car, you mother's limo or even your hubby's cheap car. Isn't it sad that you are more concerned towards someone less important to you?

At night, or rather anytime when you want to take a nap or go to bed, you consider the conditions and you prepare to rest in those conditions. If you are expecting someone to murder you while you are sleeping, you would probably be wearing some protectvie vest, hiding a weapon below your pillow and half awake all the time. Well, if you are just expecting to rest under perceived conditions of tranquility, of certain temperature etc, you condition and prepare yourself to sleep at ease under those conditions. If the perceived conditions changed while you are sleeping, you will get hurt (murdered, sick etc). How so? If you are sleeping in cold conditions, you will naturally remind yourself to wake up more to cover yourself if you are afraid of cold.

So the next time you try to change a person's sleeping conditions when he/she is already asleep, consider these points. Do you really want to change them when they are already conditioned to sleep in certain environment? Have you considered waking them up and telling them you are changing their sleeping conditions (you might get yelled at of course); or would you sneakily change these conditions and hope nothing happens to them?

Lynn's Wedding Dinner

2007-06-15T16:34:00.000+08:00

Left Work Late

Walked past the local General Manager's office looking for one of the Business Manager and noticed her in the GM's room. Its 5:30pm, so might as well turn away and walk off. A hand waved at me feverishly - its was the GM. I left office at 6:30pm that day.

Fast and Furious

No drifts but I reached home before 7pm to pick my my wife and ZL. Not surprisingly, they were not ready, so I had to wait a bit before they believe their makeup is perfect.

Slow and Furious

Black Mitsubishi Lancer, slowing down and trying to turn right at every junction along the road behind Funan Center. Idiot! The only place you can turn right is very far down! High beamed him lots during the 15 minutes of traffic.

I reached my U-Turn only to realise that idiot is making a turn too. Too bad ... After the turn, he tried to turn left into a small lane, so I took this great opportunity to overtake him on the right lane and make my left turn at the junction ahead to Carlton Hotel. Idiot suddenly braked and dashed ahead into the left lane. Horned the shit out of him ...

After turning left at the junction, I was prepared to make a left into the hotel, but the idiot stopped in the middle of the junction before suddenly jerking left into the hotel too. A dozen high beams from me followed that incident. Along the route into and within the car park, he signaled "right" at every turn (its a one way road!!). I think I scared the shit out of him. Well, he deserves it thoroughly!

Parked my car and walked out in the company of 2 gorgeous ladies ... err one prettier than the other of course. Turned back and glimpsed the idiot driving the black Mitsubishi Lancer. He is a young lad in his twenties - a terrible driver nonetheless. I gave him my killer stare and walked off ... He ended up in the same lift as me, attended the same wedding dinner as me and sat on the same table as me. Whenever he tried to talk to me, I gave the killer stare and he pissed his pants.

The Groom

I prefer to talk about the bride, but women always look their best at their wedding so nothing much to say here. The groom is the complete opposite - another idiot. At their church wedding the last weekend, just because the caterer mistakenly prepared food for 50 people instead of 70 people, he refused to pose for any photographs that that. On the morning of the Wedding Dinner, he purportedly arrived more than 30 minutes late so that he can avoid playing games with the Bride's sisters.

He desperately needs to be described. In the simplest words possible, he has a steam chicken face that beckons a beating. He has a figure of Humpty Dumpty. He has an extremely lousy sense of humour, especially from his speech at the dinner. And he obviously does not know that he lacks style to be acting all cool and romantic, dancing to the crowd at whim and trying to sweep the bride off her seat as he went about his disgusting dance routine.

His name is Bernard.

Oh my god! I killed Kenny! Part I

"Are you still teaching?" I asked.

"Not for a while now", she replied.

"So you are being taught now?" I dumbly asked.

"Yes, I just came back from my studies in New Zealand", she says.

"Ah, me and my wild guesses!" I exclaimed!

Oh my god! I killed Kenny! Part II

"I took a loan for my studies and will be bonded for xx years, so I will be teaching again 6 months from now", she explained.

"Thats dumb! I would have taken a loan from a bank if I don't get a scholarship!" I grieved.

"yeah ..." she sighed.

"You reap what you sow", I sighed in agreement while I put my hand over wife's shoulder to play with her earring.

"Why do you have to put your hand over her when you say this?" she suddenly asked.

"Err ... to play with her earrings of course!"

"ah ... just kidding" - she looks away in embarrassment.

Oh my god! I killed Kenny! Part III

"New Zealand is a wonderful place! It would be great to grab a man there and settle down!" I advised her.

She looked me in the eyes and said, "Yes, when I came back and saw you, I know I should get a man in New Zealand."

Born Days

2006-11-03T11:48:00.000+08:00

I am a little late, but better late than never.

Considering she got a miracle for her birthday, sumptuous Chong Qing steamboat buffet, as well as the prettiest heart-shaped tiramisu cake (with just 1 candle to hide her age), she is a very lucky girl (her lucky hands picked 4 lucky numbers that won us some cash on her birthday)! Moreover, I sang for her; nothing poetic but its still a birthday song sung in tune, unlike many other poor chaps out there who can never do it.

Right, imagine its 21st October 2006 today, and its your birthday ...

Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to Rena!
Happy Birthday to You!

To ease myself into a less vulnerable position, I am giving my best friend of 20 years early birthday wishes:

Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to Alvin!
Happy Birthday to You!

In case you are wondering, I did not do a Cut-And-Paste. It was just Copy-And-Paste with minor editing.

Gossip can harm your soul

2006-09-26T10:39:00.000+08:00

Gossip can harm your soul
by Dr Pam Spurr

Psychologist Dr Pam Spurr explains why gossip is not always harmless, how to avoid being drawn into a group of gossipers, and what to do if you're a victim
It's human nature to wonder what's going on in other people's lives. We speculate and surmise about them, wonder about their personal life and work success or failure, and so on. We then discuss our thoughts about them, and the titbits of knowledge we might have about their lives, with other people. Gossip is in essence discussing someone else's business when they aren't present.

Harmless gossip
Gossip has many functions for the people doing it. There are both harmless and harmful types of gossip. One of the primary functions is social inclusion and bonding that's essentially harmless. This type of gossip is less about the person being gossiped about and more about the people gossiping. They use gossip to bond together into a mini-social group. This type of gossip is about mutual sharing of information and is a form of relating to others. By gossiping with them you show a certain level of trust and the development of a social connection.

The gossip tends to take the form of little bits of information being shared, for example: 'Did you know Sarah's dyed her hair red?' The information's usually something that might become common knowledge or is something that the person wouldn't object to becoming 'public'.

Harmful gossip
However gossip spreads faster than wildfire and can cross over into harmful territory even when not intended that way. And it can be of the intentionally malicious type. This form of gossip is meant to harm the person who's being gossiped about. The harm intended can be at a personal level or about their work and reputation.

Malicious gossip excludes the person being gossiped about from the group in a negative way. It becomes a form of bullying. The person becomes an outsider. Some people get a source of malicious satisfaction from this type of gossip if they have a manipulative-type personality. Others use unpleasant or nasty gossip to enhance their own social value and make them seem like the dominant member of a group - one that's 'in the know'.

The harm done by gossip
Apart from celebrities who want to be talked about, there's a lot of harm that can be done by gossip. Even when no harm's intended, the problem with gossip is what starts as 'harmless' can sometimes develop into the harmful type. Like 'Chinese whispers' the gossip can alter in form as it moves outward from the initial gossips. By the time it's moved to another group of people it might've morphed into something negative and hurtful.

Also it may simply be private information the person wants to keep secret. Let's go back to 'Sarah' with the newly-dyed red hair. Discussing her hair colour is one thing but saying, 'Did you know Sarah's boyfriend cheated on her?' is another. It discloses something that 'Sarah' probably wants to keep private.

Gossip is also harmful because untruths and half-truths are told as if true. It doesn't give the person a choice about whether or not they want to be discussed, it can spin out of control, and can create an atmosphere of cliques particularly in the office, and this facilitates bullying.

How to avoid gossip
Set your boundaries early when someone starts gossiping. Say something clear like, 'I don't really want to get involved in someone else's business' and suggest an alternative topic of conversation.

Use a clear and confident tone of voice so the 'gossip' understands you don't want to be drawn in. This is a perfect example where being assertive works well.

If in the middle of a conversation someone starts gossiping simply refuse to be drawn into it.

If you hear others around you gossiping you don't have to give credence to their gossip by getting involved.

If you hear gossip that's untrue, set the record straight. Tell the gossips you know that what they're saying is untrue. Again done with a confident and clear tone you get your message across in the best possible way.

Check yourself - it's easy to let a conversation slip into the realms of gossip. Put yourself in the person's shoes that you're talking about - how would you feel if you were she? Would you be happy to be discussed like this? Is it something you'd say to their face? That's always a good mark of where to draw the line.
What to do if you're the victim of gossip

Depending on the nature of the gossip sometimes the best policy is 'the least said the soonest mended'. Only you can judge if some gossip about you, your life, work or relationships is worth facing head-on. If appropriate then 'letting it go' and moving on could be the best solution all round. It shows that you're not prepared to make a mountain out of a molehill, not interested in general gossip and in getting involved in it, and have enough self-confidence that you don't mind friendly, non-malicious gossip.

Deciding whether or not a gossip/group of gossips are worth facing depends on a number of factors. Factors like whether or not the gossip was malicious, whether it's completely unfounded, whether it's 'self-contained', and most importantly whether or not it's hurt, upset or angered you. Consider these factors before taking action. Consideration will help you judge accurately and then plan action if necessary.

If you decide to take action then planning is crucial for your success and well-being. Get your facts straight on the gossip you've been told about. Write these down if it's helpful. For example, you might want to make notes on who told you, when they told you, and what they told you about the gossip involving you. Although you may feel deeply hurt, when confronting the gossips it's important to be calm.

Now you can plan what you want to say about it. Practise what you plan to say, as rehearsing gives you the confidence to tackle the gossips in the most beneficial way.
In the most serious cases of work gossip you should go to your manager or human-resources department to discuss it rather than tackling it on your own. Again, this is a personal decision and only you can decide whether the gossip is of such a serious nature that it should be handled by management.

Whichever way you decide to tackle it, you must never forget that you have every right not to be gossiped about and certainly not in a malicious or harmful way. Every person should be treated with respect both at work and within their peer group.

For My Karma; For Job Seekers Out There

2006-09-18T09:05:00.000+08:00

Eight Résumé Editing Tips

By Jennifer Anthony, Resume Expert

Depending on how it's written, your résumé can make or break your job search. A professional, well-written résumé can have employers banging down your door; but a sloppy, mistake-laden résumé can turn off a hiring manager in a split second.

Proofreading is a must. Neglect doing it and you could send out a résumé with simple mistakes that could have been avoided. Before you send yours to an employer, follow this checklist to ensure it is the highest-quality representation of yourself.

1. Grammar and spelling -- Use the grammar and spell check function in Microsoft Word. When you are finished with that, print out your résumé and read the document word for word. Spell check won't know that you meant to enter "manager" when you actually typed "manger."

2. Capitalization -- Use a manual such as the "Gregg Reference Manual" or "Strunk and White's Elements of Style" if you do not know capitalization rules. The most common capitalization errors are with job titles. You capitalize a person's job title only when it precedes his or her name. (Example: President Peters) You do not capitalize a job title when it comes after the name as a description. (Example: Mr. Peters, the president of XYZ Corporation...)

3. Punctuation -- Check for proper and consistent use of punctuation. Again, if you are unsure, refer to a reference manual. If you don't own one, there are many accessible for free online.

4. Run-on sentences -- Check to make sure you do not have run-ons: They are difficult to read and comprehend. A run-on sentence is defined as two or more sentences that have been joined together without a conjunction or the correct punctuation. (Example: I produced strategies for growth management and market contraction and identified profitable acquisition and diversification opportunities and facilitated negotiations for sale of software division to Fortune 500 company.)

5. Consistency -- You must be consistent with your number usage (dates, money, numbers), plurals and abbreviations. For example, don't list one date as "8/2004" and then list another as "3/15/2004." Also, be aware of listing software consistently (abbreviation use). MS Word and Microsoft Outlook are both correct, but not consistent when used in the same document.

6. Education section -- When you have a degree, list only the year that you obtained your degree. When you list your dates, (i.e.: 9/1998 to 1/2002) many résumé-scanning systems will not recognize that you obtained a degree, only that you attended college for a period of time.

7. Ampersands -- Ampersands (&) generally do not belong on a résumé. There are a few exceptions. One exception is a well-known company name (AT&T). Another exception is well-known industry terms (P&L). Overuse of the ampersand indicates laziness when repeatedly substituting it for "and."

8. Hyperlinks -- Sometimes, your e-mail and Web addresses may be automatically hyperlinked when typing your résumé and will need to be deactivated. The reason is that many spam filters treat links of any kind as potential junk mail. You don't want your résumé destined for the recycle bin before it's even read.

To deactivate hyperlinks in MS Word, highlight the link, go to the "Insert" drop down menu, scroll down to and click "Hyperlink", and on the lower left-hand side of this screen there should be a little button that says "Remove link." When you find it, give it a little click and, voila, the hyperlink is gone. Or, just highlight the link, right click on it and scroll down to "remove link" to deactivate the link.

Jennifer Anthony is the owner of ResumeASAP, offering professional and affordable résumé writing services. You can contact Jennifer Anthony via e-mail at jenn@résuméasap.com.

Male depression: Don't ignore the symptoms

2006-08-22T13:33:00.000+08:00

Interesting article I found:

Are you irritable, isolated and withdrawn? Do you find yourself working all the time, drinking too much alcohol, using street drugs, or seeking thrills from risky activities?

If so, perhaps you're being chased by what Winston Churchill called his "black dog," a depression that at times became debilitating. Churchill attempted to ward off his black dog with compulsive overwork and massive amounts of brandy. Your coping strategy may be reckless driving, casual sex or shutting yourself off from the world.
But none of these can keep the dog at bay for long. Even if untreated depression isn't exacerbated by alcohol and drugs, it's a serious medical disorder. It darkens your thoughts, undermines your personal and professional life, and places you at increased risk of other illnesses. Most disturbing, the risk of suicide is four times as great among depressed men as among depressed women.

Male depression: Often undiagnosed
Each year, depression affects about 6 million American men and 12 million American women. But these numbers may not tell the whole truth. Because men are generally less likely to consult doctors, a great deal of male depression may go undiagnosed.
Many men learn to overvalue independence and self-control during childhood. They're taught that it's unmanly to express pain, weakness, uncertainty, helplessness and sadness. They tend to see illness — especially emotional illness — as a threat to their masculinity. So they deny or hide their problems until an intimate partner's insistence or a catastrophic event, such as job loss or arrest, forces them to seek medical attention.

When they do go to doctors, depressed men are more likely to focus on physical complaints — headaches, digestive problems or chronic pain, for example — than on emotional suffering. So they and their doctors may be unlikely to make the connection between such symptoms and depression. Even if their doctors recognize the problem and say what it is, depressed men may resist mental health care, partly due to fear that the stigma of mental illness might damage their careers, jeopardize their health insurance benefits and cost them the respect of family and friends.

Characteristics of male depression
Most men are trained to focus on achievement and success, so they feel under constant pressure to perform well. But if they experience setbacks at home or in the workplace, they may keep their distress to themselves. Women — including those who focus on achievement and success — usually feel free to seek help. This may account for the lingering perception that depression is primarily a "women's disease."
In both men and women, common signs and symptoms of depression include feeling down in the dumps, sleeping poorly, and feeling sad, guilty and worthless. Depressed men, however, have bouts of crying less often than depressed women. Instead, depressed men are more likely to:

• Become angry and frustrated
• Behave violently
• Take serious risks, such reckless driving and extramarital sex
• Avoid family, friends and pleasurable activities
• Complain of fatigue
• Lose interest in work, hobbies and sex

A history of alcohol or drug abuse is common among men with depression, although there's debate over whether substance abuse is a cause or result of being depressed. Substance abuse can definitely mask depression, making the condition more difficult to diagnose.

Swedish researchers have identified a "male depressive syndrome" that includes increased susceptibility to stress, sudden spells of anger, lower impulse control, anti-social behavior, indecisiveness, and feelings of being burnt out and empty. But standard diagnostic tests may not detect these atypical signs and symptoms. So if you notice these characteristics developing in yourself, you should bring them to your doctor's attention.

Conditions associated with male depression
Depression is associated with many life-threatening medical conditions that are likely to shorten men's lives. These include heart disease, stroke, cancer, HIV/AIDS, diabetes and Parkinson's disease.

Depression is also strongly associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a debilitating condition that can occur after a traumatic event such as a personal assault, natural disaster, accident, terrorism or military combat. Men are more likely to be victims of criminal violence and accidents, which are leading causes of PTSD.

Loss of libido is a symptom of depression in both sexes, but it seems to have a greater impact on men, particularly if it's accompanied by erectile dysfunction (ED). In fact, ED from a physical cause may take such an emotional toll on a man that it causes depression. Additionally, because many depressed men have low testosterone levels and ED, it has been proposed that underproduction of testosterone may be a cause rather than an effect of depression. Men with depression, ED and low testosterone may become less depressed after treatment of their sexual dysfunction and low hormone levels.

Job stress a common trigger
Everyone is susceptible to depression in the wake of a major life stress, such as the end of an important relationship, the death of a loved one, relocation or financial problems. Men, however, may be more vulnerable than women to depression triggered by job-related stresses such as:

• Having no control in decisions affecting responsibilities
• Unrelenting and unreasonable demands for performance
• Lack of effective communication and conflict-resolution methods among co-workers and employers
• Lack of job security
• Night-shift work, excessive overtime, or both
• Excessive time spent away from home and family
• Wages that don't reflect the level of responsibility

Men may feel more threatened than women do by rapid social, political and economic change. When such change affects traditional male roles in the home and workplace, men may experience a profound loss of identity, status and dignity, which increases their risk of depression and other mental illnesses. In eastern and central European countries where poorly regulated capitalism replaced communism almost overnight, stress and mental illness took a serious toll in men. Their life expectancy decreased as much as 13 years while the life expectancy of women did not change. Similarly, male suicide rates soared during the Great Depression of the 1930s, when vast numbers of American men were unemployed.

Consequences of untreated male depression
Depression may have a profound impact on every aspect of life. It may directly affect your health by keeping your stress response continually activated, a state that can damage many organs, including the heart. It may even shorten your life. In a given year, depressed men are more than twice as likely as nondepressed men to die of any cause. Depressed women also have an increased risk of dying, compared to nondepressed women, but the difference is not as great as in men. Although the reasons for this difference are unclear, depressed men's self-destructive behavior — from excessive drinking to reckless driving to suicide — may contribute to it.
Depression also increases your risk of divorce and your children's risk of becoming depressed themselves. At work, depression makes you less productive, limits your earning potential and increases your risk of losing your job.

Men, depression and suicide
Although women are twice as likely to have depression, men are four times as likely to suffer its worst consequence: suicide. More than 90 percent of people who commit suicide have a history of depression, or another mental or substance-abuse disorder, often in combination. Starting in adolescence, men are far more likely than women to take their own lives. Older men, particularly white men over age 85, have the highest suicide rate. Although women attempt suicide three times as often as men, they are far less likely to complete it. Men's greater likelihood of using lethal means such as firearms accounts, in part, for the difference, but other factors also are involved.

One such factor may be men's tendency to move from suicidal thoughts to suicidal actions faster than women. Months or years of thinking about suicide typically culminate in the development and enactment of a plan. Men take an average of 12 months to go from contemplating to attempting suicide, compared to 42 months for women. During this process, men are less likely than women to show warning signs such as suicidal threats. Because the window of opportunity is so short, doctors and mental health professionals may have little chance to recognize and treat a man's depression before he commits suicide.

Getting treatment
If you or someone close to you is considering suicide, seek help immediately from your doctor, the nearest hospital emergency room, or emergency services (911).
If you suspect you have depression, schedule a physical examination with your family doctor. Conditions such as a viral infection, thyroid disorder and low testosterone levels can produce symptoms similar to depression. If your doctor rules out such conditions as a cause of your symptoms, the next step may be a depression screening.
Treatment may include short-term psychotherapy, antidepressant medications or both. For severe depression, especially if it's recurrent, a combination of psychotherapy and medication may be necessary.

Two forms of short-term psychotherapy (10 to 20 weeks) have proved beneficial in depression. One form, cognitive-behavioral therapy, helps you change negative thinking and behavior. The other, interpersonal therapy, helps you work through troubled relationships.

Antidepressant medications include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Prozac, Zoloft and others), tricyclic antidepressants (Norpramin, Pamelor, and others) and mixed reuptake antidepressants (Wellbutrin, Effexor). Any antidepressant can cause sexual side effects. In men, these side effects may include problems achieving and maintaining erections. Work with your doctor to find a medication that effectively treats your symptoms while causing a minimum of sexual side effects that may worsen your depression.

If antidepressants don't work, you may respond to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), which uses electricity to induce brain seizures that relieve depression. Today's ECT procedure is safe and effective, and its side effects are usually mild.

Self-help strategies
With appropriate medical treatment, you may notice that your sleep and appetite improve before your mood improves. But feelings of worthlessness, helplessness and hopelessness may gradually fade as you realize that they have more to do with your depression than with your actual life circumstances. Meanwhile, here are some things you can do on your own to speed your recovery:

• Set realistic goals in light of the depression and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.
• Break large tasks into small ones, set priorities, and do what you can as you can.
• Spend time with people in whom you can confide.
• Engage in pleasurable activities such as mild exercise, going to a movie or ballgame, or participating in religious or social events.
• Let your family and friends help you.
• Avoid making important decisions such as changing jobs or getting married or divorced until after the depression lifts.
• Remember, positive thinking replaces negative thinking.

For men and women, aerobic exercise can improve mood by raising brain levels of mood-enhancing chemicals. Aerobic exercise can also boost self-esteem by promoting weight loss and improved muscle tone. Yoga — which involves rhythmic stretching movements and controlled breathing — may help relieve men's depressive symptoms by reducing tension and anger.

Looking ahead
Researchers are discovering important genetic differences in the way depression affects men and women. For example, only three out of a group of 19 different depression-associated regions identified on human chromosomes are common to both sexes. The other 16 are specific to either men or women. Also, a recently identified gene associated with both depression and alcohol dependence may partially explain why the two conditions often occur together. These discoveries may lead to the development of antidepressant drugs that target the specific aspects of brain function linked to different symptoms of depression. One such drug may control the irritability, compulsive behavior and social isolation that typify depression in men. Another may quell the hopelessness, guilt and feelings of inadequacy that overwhelm many depressed women (and men). Specialized drugs will make it easier for your doctor to select the one that's likely to work best for you.

Remember, you don't need to suffer depression silently or alone. If you can muster the courage to admit you are depressed, chances are good that your family and friends will applaud you. Appropriate treatment can help you regain the outlook you need to enjoy life and meet its inevitable challenges.

Content by Mayo Clinic

© 1998-2006 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). All rights reserved. A single copy of these materials may be reprinted for noncommercial personal use only. "Mayo," "Mayo Clinic," "MayoClinic.com," "Mayo Clinic Health Information," "Reliable information for a healthier life" and the triple-shield Mayo logo are trademarks of Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

Sins of Hurt, Anger and Pain

2006-08-01T14:12:00.000+08:00

Least brashness
Of time on senses
Veiled beauty
Everlasting youth

Heinous desires of misled wrath
Acrimonious rage
Taints the being
Enduring qualms

Sins of Pain, Hurt & Anger
Ashes of Pandora’s
Dusty weary road trodden

Walk as the crow flies

Commercial Break - My Passion Sign

2006-04-13T10:18:00.000+08:00

Your passion sign: Gemini

Mars in Gemini brings almost insatiable curiosity to the those of you blessed with this placement. You are extremely versatile and your many interests are ever expanding. You are always open to new experiences and intellectual challenges. You would make an excellent lawyer or critic, as you are observant and communication is infused with your clever wit. You excel at asserting yourself through language, enabling you to talk your way into and out of any situation. As a lover, you are experimental, interesting, energetic and fun. An intellectually active partner would be perfect for you.

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/astrology/features/passionsigns/articles/0,,160722_162640,00.html

Err ... Episode V ...

2006-03-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Episode V: The Armpit Strikes Back

Its not even remotely related to cysts, doctors or old female virgins. Rather, its an account of how much depression old virgins can cause people, especially their employers. My earlier stories were of the negative things old virgins can cause their colleagues and subordinates. I thought I should tell the story of my friend who runs his own pharmaceutical company, the agony he went through after employing 2 categories of old virgins.

He began to source for an accounts person when he realized he needed someone to manage his accounts full-time. That probably meant that his business is going uphill pretty fast. After some searching, he got himself an old female virgin to handle his accounts. She is experienced, and seemed a confident and likeable person to work with during the interview. Everybody loves working with a friendly and obliging other. That’s before she started work.

When she began work, her true colors permeated her wrinkled skin that’s covered with a thick layer of moisturizing lotion. All her backsides (err... bad sides) started showing, and my friend began to have a hard time with her. She has to be correct all the time, and can never lose any debate with her boss. Plus, she’s just too unstable emotionally, and difficult to work with. Anyway, my friend was fortunate to be rid of her eventually …

Determined not to make the same mistake twice, he went for a guy this time. Typically, guys have better temperament than woman, and are less emotionally wrecked. However, his mistake this time was that he got an old virgin man. This new accounts person has a very thick skull, and is extremely difficult to get anything into his brain. Plus, he has got this sense of inferiority that causes him to over-sensitive and insecure. Although not as bad as the old female virgin before, this old virgin man is still a PITA to work with. Luckily, my friend was rid of him eventually too.

Bad luck usually comes in threes, but my friend refused to succumb to fate’s mockery. This time, he went for a younger (early 30s) lady, single (but getting married soon) and “genuinely” pleasant. She is going to start work soon.

I wish my friend the best of luck! He is a really nice person, and I hope he gets a really nice accounts person this time. Its really partially my fault he had to go through this agony – I should have warned him about the pain involved working with old virgins (females especially). But then again, what better way to learn is there than to experience things first hand!

If you have the pre-requisites to become an old female virgin, please work hard against it. You are unlikely to turn back time, neither is it very feasible to change gender. The most convenient way to get out of this vicious trap is probably to lose that red spot on your hand – my pig fri dog ends might be willing to make that sacrifice. Personally, its better to get hitched, married and emotionally secured for the rest of your life.

Remember this, I have never had any pleasant experiences with old virgins, with the exception of one lady who chose to take care of her illness-stricken mother. Don’t become an old female virgin – May The Force Be With You!

Back to the gist of this post. I have seen women with unshaven unpits, and unsightly bushes. I could have sworn they look like wings when they spread their arms as they take flight to grab the hand-holds on trains and buses. Either its the fashion now, or shavers are getting too costly to own. As far as I can guess, it seemed the hairy armpits are striking back!

PS: I think I am getting a little mixed up right now, haha!!

Episode IV: A New Hope

2006-03-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

Away from the Fiendish Old Virgins

Things are really looking up for my new job. It has been a teeny weeny bit more than a month since I started here. I was so damn busy for the first 3 weeks, working late nights until 2am in the morning sometimes. However, I enjoyed every single minute of it – my idea of work exactly! I always thought that I was seemingly lightning fast because I was working in the garment previously, now I realised that I am truly a quick worker in every sense.

After those 3 weeks, things slowed down to a crawl. The adrenaline rush is sorely missed as the pace dropped to almost that of my previous job. I am beginning to wonder if I am moving too fast for everybody else to follow, or is everybody else too slow for me to ease towards. Finishing stuff at break-neck speed is my forte; having lots of work to do keeps me alive; using my brain keeps me awake; and being piled by work makes me feel useful. I really hope work will pick up again pretty soon, not necessary at that pace of my first 3 weeks, but at a speed that can keep me occupied at least 70% of my time at work.

Whatever happens next, this new job had started on the right foot, providing me the sense of excitement I love. I daresay it symbolizes “A New Hope” for me! When the going gets tough, the tough gets going …

Episode III: Revenge of the Cyst

2006-03-15T22:07:00.000+08:00

Hey Cyster Hey Cyster ...

I could make a franchise movie out of this story. Its really simple, the cyst returned and exacted revenge on the puny woman, namely my wife! To add a little more spice to it, she became a spice girl. Err ... no, to add a little more spice to the story, I brought her to the doctor, spent 2 months and couple of hundred bucks, and shes completely cured. Well, almost ... she still has to go on medication for another 4 months, so thats couple hundred more dollars gone.

Worcestershire Sauce

This has got to be the worst tasting sauce ever. Salty, weird, lacking pleasant flavours ... who invented it anyway??!! Well the puny woman just told her friend over MSN Messenger, "I am going to enjoy this Friday man!". I peeped over her shoulder and saw those words. Who is Friday man? Such crude audacity that man has to ask my puny to enjoy him this Friday!

Anyway thats one good reason why this was much shorter than my usual posts. The greater reason was basically work. I write for a living. I review people's writing for a living. I might consider writing longer if I get paid for writing here. Maybe my mood swings will get the better of me, and I will write a little more.

Die Friday man, die!

Episode II: Attack of the Virgins

2006-02-07T15:36:00.000+08:00

Breath of Life

It was a fine Thursday morning. I woke up early to grab a taxi to work. Yeah, it sounds dumb - wake up early to catch a cab ... This fine morning, I was supposed to be having a phone interview with a potential employer between 8:00am and 9:00am. Now, waking up early to catch a cab sounds more logical - theres no way I can get a proper conversation talking in the train!

The Early Bird

Right, the early bird catches the worm! I reached office at 8:35am, really early by company standards. I used to hit work at 8:00am but circumstances altered my schedule. Firstly, I am always alone in office at 8:00am since official work hours begin at 8:30am. Secondly, almost nobody comes into office until 9:00am or later. Thirdly, if I reach work so early, I can be almost sure my wife will be late for work since she usually goes back to sleep a little after I had awoken her and left for work.

Once Upon a Time in Boston

My potential employer is based in Boston. Shes a nice Australian lady, and shes taking some time off her very busy schedule to speak t me. The head-hunter got his time wayward, and I got no calls until 9:30am. I was about to either try my luck at the jackpot in the gents, or pick up a hot coffee when my phone rang.

More than 30 minutes later, my mood lightened. Helen is one of the nicest person I could wish for a boss, but I can sense that shes not one who tolerates incompetence. In a way, I felt glad. Finally, challenges I can look forward to if I get the job. My last 6 years at my current company had been nothing but a breeze. While everybody is struggling to get their work done, I am more than always waiting for my next assignment. Weird thing is that I tend to be having more work than many of them - figure it out :)

The following day, I would have to pay a visit to the Singapore office and meet up with the local lads. Thats my second step to having more work to do. Helen likes me, and now I have to let the local lads scrutinise me.

The Local Lads

I took the morning off on Friday so that I could pay the folks a visit. Khim from HR welcomed me and brought me to meet Kien, who was covering the position I applied for while they were looking for the right person. Apparently, they had been searching for quite a while now. Kien was a fine person, and we had quite a conversation going. I really hoped he liked me too. Personally, if I was an employer looking for a potential employee, the most important thing was not his/her qualifications, but how much we could connect.

After the conversation, I grabbed a bite and hurried back to my old job. The following Monday was supposed to be the day when I get the news!

The Long Wait Goodbye

Monday passed, and I heard nothing from my potential employer. On Tuesday, like every interested and ethusiastic applicant, I called to remind them of my existence.

"I will call you back as soon as I get confirmation", Khim told me.

Wednesday was another quiet day. I had a few offers on hand, but this company seemed the most attractive. The sense of belonging was instinctively real compared to the other companies. Patience is a virtue, and I usually have loads of them, so I waited longingly.

It was Thursday afternoon before I got the call I longed for. There is one more person I had to meet on Friday before a decision can be made.

I styled my hair proper as I could on Friday morning before I set off to work. After much work, I managed to get the afternoon off so I could meet that final important person. As much as I expected jitters, I was calm as a meditating monk.

Alan was a fine man! We had a nice conversation going pretty quickly, although he did most of the talking. I am a better listener than a speaker, but you'd be surprised how much I can say if I have to :p

After the chat, I was made to wait 30 minutes before I was ushered into a grand looking room. The room belonged to the President of the company, Khim whispered to me. Yes, a magnificent room indeed!

Khim brought out stacks of documents and asked the important question. I asked for time to consider initially, but 30 minutes later, I decided to sign on the spot. Khim's sincerity and honesty touched me loads, and I got the feeling that everybody else here could be equally nice or better!

The XXX Letterxxx Show

My letter was ready for submission on Monday moning. I managed to find older virgin in office and handed her my resignation. Everything went fine, but it was sadly the peace before the storm.

Bam! Wham! Slam!

Within days, I was forced to clear my remaining leave en bloc. Perhaps its my own undoing that I handed over my work so swiftly to colleagues. But I have always been a fast worker, and I do not intend to change that!

Less older virgin was supposed to be helping with my clearance but she feigned ignorance. Older virgin is doing likewise. Before my last day, I approached older virgin to discuss the handing over, just in case theres something else she wants done, but she insisted to see me only on my last day.

On my last day, old virgin refused to sign my clearance form. She cited that I should have more files handed over to her. I had done my due diligence and archived all my files into our company's designated storage warehouse after every project closure. No physical files are in my possession. Soft versions of documents for my projects are safely archived in the Division's shared disk. Less older virgin was supposed to ensure that all these files are indeed in the storage facilities but again, she feigned ignorance.

I had to come back to office the next day upon HR's advice to get old virgin's supervisor to sign my clearance. He signed it after hearing my circumstances. Next, HR and I got less older virgin to counter sign on my clearance so that older virgin will not be able to create any further issues out of nothing.

I survived the first onslaught of the old virgins, but will there be more to come? I know more of my colleagues are going to follow my footsteps and leave the company. Then, would she focus on them instead of me? Stay tuned for Episode III: Revenge of the Cysts

Episode 1: The Virgin Menace

2006-01-03T16:36:00.000+08:00

Old 40+ Female Virgin Boss

So whats up with a 40+ female virgin boss? Nothing much other than the hormonal imbalance. Adding to that, shes been attending anger counselling for quite a long time, and has a ruthless record of having employees quit the job not long after being under her supervision. Not the best candidate for a boss at all.

Well, thats my life. I have a overly soft and gentle 40+ boss prior to her arrival. He was a nice person to be a friend with, but he is not the best boss. I learnt to live with that. Then this scary lady came along and was put just on top of him. She is a Director, and he is a Deputy Director. From a Division Head, he was demoted to Department Head.

Sad for him, she arrived at the wrong time for him. There was this other .....

Old 30+ Female Virgin Colleague

Oh, there was this other 30+ female virgin colleague who works under him. She is a Senior Manager, and I am a Manager. I am bad at ass-licking, so here I am beneath her, but what the heck, she can do nothing to me at that time.

This 30+ female virgin was supposedly his most trusted aide, but when she sensed her sister-lost-at-birth's arrival, her loyalties shifted. I guess a woman's ass has got lesser hair, and a lot easier to lick. Two female virgins, one in her 30s, the other in her 40s, collaborated and made life hell for him. One was a conjurer, the other was a dictator. One conjured tales of no truth, while the other issued orders of pretty impossible compliance. Hand in hand, he was abused, but being soft and gentle, he made the wrong decisions and got pushed where they wanted him to go. He resigned after making complaints using official avenues. Official avenues told him that they could do nothing but just make a record of of his complaints. February 2006 is his last month with the company.

One Two Many Female Virgins

Ecstatic to have found each other, 40+ female virgin appointed 30+ female virgin team leader and I ended up under her. In fact, I ended up under 2 hormonally imbalanced women. Life is going to get better, no.

Am I going to start ass-licking to live a better life? No! Am I going to lie down and take this shit? For the time-being maybe, but I sure am going to snap at her when my toes are stepped. Well, I did that a few times, and she distanced from me knowing I am not like him. So, what should I do next? Look for a new job of course!

How soon should I get a new job? As soon as possible! I hate to be the last amongst the 5 others in my department who are desperately trying to get out of the either old moldy tunnels. Nobody enjoys the shrieking of bats disturbed in their solace within the tunnels!

So, anybody got a job for me? Pretty please ....

100 Questions

2005-11-24T13:46:00.000+08:00

:: Random Info ::

1. Zodiac sign: Sagitaurius.

2. My desktop shows: only half the screen is clear of icons

3. Person I'd most like to meet: Rena, even though U had met her long ago, I still want to see her everyday, all the time :)

4. Worst feeling in the world: Constipation ....

5. First thing I think of when I wake up in the morning: Shit! Am I late for work?

6. My first car: Car cheng I have, real car I buang.

7. Worst fear: I fear the day I got nothing to do, it will be damn boring ....

8. If I could have any job, it would be: NKF CEO prior to the big hoo haa

9. Times I've been in love: All the time - I am either in love with someone else, or in love with myself, or in love with some stupid hobby :p

10. Glass, half-empty or half-full: Half full - I am an optimist although I delve into a lot of details

11. Do I type with my fingers over the right keys: I type with fingers from my right hand over the right part of the keyboard and the fingers from my left hand on the left section of the keyboard. Spacebar belongs to my right thumb...

12. What's under my bed: Usually nothing, but occasionally me when I sleep on the floor on hot days

13. I admire: the innocence of a child

14. Best thing ever invented: Toothpaste

15. Worst thing ever invented: Scholars

16. Most prized possession: My bed - I end up there whenever I do not know what to do

17. Best asset: My eyes - they are so tiny that its pretty hard to find any fault with them

18. I would never leave home without: Having taken a bath first

19. What I have for breakfast: Usually nothing. I do take brunch later in the morning when I am getting my caffeine jab

20. Worst fashion mistake: Hot shorts for guys. I hate to remember the days I was wearing hot shorts to school because that was the "In" thing. Anyway that passed pretty quickly and I was into "Steamers".

21. Do I like my handwriting: Been a long time since I last written anything substantial other than signing for my bills. Anyway, since I am the only one who understands my hadnwriting, I appreciate my handwriting more than anyone else.

22. Looking forward to: Retire.

23. Most immediate goal: To go home and sleep.

:: Favourite... ::

24. Board game: Carrom since its played on a board. If you enjoy ironing, you could name it your favourite board game too hahaha

25. Magazine: Football magazines, especially those of Liverpool FC

26. Author: Toddler days - Enid Blyton, Teenage days - Raymond E Feist, Currently - authors of MMORPG manuals haha

27. Smell: The smell of my wife. I am very attracted to smell, and my wife has a body smell that I am addicted to. She loses that smell after she bathes, but after a few hours, that smell will gradually come back. Yummy!

28. Sound: I enjoy the silence, but if I have to pronounce a favourite sound, that would be the rough stuff from Heavy Metal Bands.

29. Colour: Black, red, pink and silver.

30. Food: Traditional steamboat without the barbeque hotplate.

31. Drink: Soup! I am cantonese!

32. Vegetable: Bittergourd, brocolli and Di Huang Cai.

33. Movie: Legend of the Falls, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Fight Club

34. Place: Home

35. Phrase: Hey man!

36. Flower: Cauliflower

37. Clothing: 3 quarter pants.

38. Animal: British Bulldog

39. Band/singer: Metallica, System of a Down, Danzig, Skid Row, Motley Crew, Guns N Roses, Marilyn Manson, Queen

40. Actor: Brad Pitt, Chow Yun Fatt, Sean Connery

41. Song: Sweet Dreams (Marilyn Manson) Enter Sandman (Metallica) November Rain (Guns N Roses) Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) Without You (Motley Crew)

:: On Guys :: (for girls to answer)

42. Boxers or briefs:

43. Long or short hair:

44. Tall or short:

45. Six pack or muscular arms:

46. Good or bad guy:

47. Hat or no hat:

48. Ears pierced or not:

49. Tan or fair:

50. Stubble or neatly shaved:

51. Rugged or sportsy:

52. Studly or cute:

53. Accent or not:

:: On Girls :: (for guys to answer)

42. Thongs or g-string: Same, basically its one line down the middle

43. Long or short hair: Doesn't matter as long as theres no stale and oily smell on their hair ...

44. Tall or short: Shorter than me (quite common muahahaha)

45. Big boobs or big butt: Big Boobs - I prefer to have more space to sit

46. Good or bad girl: Bad girl with a good streak

47. Hat or no hat: Depends on who's wearing them hats

48. Piercings or no piercings: As long as its not somewhere on the face

49. Tan or fair: Tan

50. Shaved or unshaven: Unshaven - I hate toilet floors littered with pubic hair all the time

51. Feminine or tomboyish: 80% Feminine, 20% Tomboyish

52. Vampish or girl next door: Vampire!!!

53. Accent or not: I hate fake accents

:: Have You... ::

54. Gone skinny dipping: No.

55. Broken/Sprained/Fractured a bone: Fractured both wrists and ankles. Twisted knee cap. Chipped ribcage. Crocked chin. Injured back.

56. Experienced love at first sight: Yes

57. Eaten a bug: Yummy, love those sold in Thailand.

58. Bungee jumped: Not yet :p

59. IM'ed a stranger: Yes, when I am bored and cannot get to my bed ...

60. Gotten drunk off your ass: Bachelors night finished 1 bottle of gin and 1 bottle of tequila in 30 minutes and the rest of the night is a blur. During army days, finished 2 bottle of Barcardi in 2 hours and got pissed until the next night.

61. Shoplifted: No, I think.

62. Run a red light: Barely.

63. Cheated on a test: Quite often. Literally passed the "model" answers around the class and teacher was oblivious to it.

64. Made someone cry: Always - not my fault really, but girls tend to cry in my presence, especially my god-daughter when I bully her!!

65. Talked to yourself: Never.

66. Got any piercings: Ears but they got infected and closed up.

67. Got any tattoos: Still finding the perfect tattoo for the perfect body

:: Would You... ::

68. Kill someone: Yes, if I can roll a 6 and escape a jail term

69. Kiss someone of the same sex: Been there, done that.

70. Have sex with someone of the same sex: Yucks!

71. Parachute from a plane: Should be fun!

72. Walk on hot coals: I think I have done it before.

73. Be a vegetarian: I love vegetables, but being a vegan is more of an inconvenience than anything else

74. Wear plaid with stripes: Maybe.

75. Star in a porn video: Just keep my face out of it, muahahahaha!

76. Dye your hair blue: Yes! Blue hair is very cool!

77. Go on stage: Sure!

78. Be on survivor: I hate politics.

79. Sleep with stuffed animals: My bed is full of stuffed toys from my parents and friends until I got married and needed more room for wife on bed.

80. Sing in the shower: Err, who doesn't?

81. Call your math teacher a motherfucker: Oh, I will!

82. Kick a baby: Very unlikely.

83. Date someone more than ten years older than you: Sugar mummy!

84. Cuss at a priest: I think I have done that quite a bit ...

85. Stay up all through the night: Once, because I thought studying overnight for exams = good results. Advice: Don't ever do that, your brain is basically screwed. Other times, it because of my MMORPG.

86. Backstab your friend for money: Totally against my principles

87. Torture a cat/dog: I doubt so.

88. Commit suicide: If it was quick and painless, plus I am out of my mind.

:: My Stance On... ::

89. Homosexuality: G2G is fine, but B2B is diisgusting

90. Brand names: Only if its real quality and a beauty

91. Abortion: Pharmacies should really be selling Over-the-counter abortion kits

92. Religion: No preaching please.

93. Animal Rights: Yes, I believe my food should be cooked right.

94. Love at first sight: Always a possibility.

95. Aliens: Cannot be bothered.

96. Horoscopes: Always a good read.

97. Reincarnation: If its true, I will stock up zillions of hell money to be burnt at my funeral so I can buy my way into a filthy rich family when reincarnated.

98. Transvestites: Cannot be bothered with them

99. Boy Bands: Disliked most of the boy bands - too commercial for me.

100. Dieting: Don't really think I need to ....

Who Will Get Promoted First?

2005-11-02T13:31:00.000+08:00

The Sad Truth

In the country where I work, its quite easy to guess the types of employee who will get promote first. I have seen it so much, that frankly I am quite sick of it. However, I refuse to stoop to those levels to get a promotion because its just too much against my principles.

Here are the top 5 categories:

1. The Flatterer
- They have sweet mouths and always says the things the bosses love to hear.
- They flatter bosses whenever they have the chance, sometimes demeaning others while doing so.
- They have no loyalties, and will suck up to any bosses they deemed most possible to give them that raise.
- They excel at pushing away responsibilities and claiming credit.

2. The Backstabber
- They are vicious employees who demeans his colleagues in front of the boss to advance himself.
- There is nothing bad they will not say about his colleagues.
- Usually they are 2 headed snakes who will pit his fellow colleagues against each other.
- They like to pretend to be your best friend so that they can gain your support.
- They spend more time politicking than working.

3. The Government Scholar
- Most of them are average workers, a small number lousy workers and a small minority top-class performers.
- They will be promoted as long as they do not make any glaring mistakes.
- They will always been given opportunities above the non-scholars to shine.
- They usually lack emotional intelligence, and only excel academically.

4. The Raft
- These people have no personal opinions, and just go with the flow.
- They have no loyalties and will always side the stronger side.
- They are lousy liars and shallow in characters.
- They are good at acting busy.

5. The People Person
- They get along with everybody.
- They garner support of people by doing personal things for them.
- They are usually lousy workers who bluff their way through.

Myself?

I like to call myself a performer. Everything cake to me, and deadlines are nothing more than minor bothers. I am very task focused and terribly dissonant to the above 5 categories of people because of my strong principles. Sadly, I would rank a performer 6th in the list of categories with the highest promotion probability.

Thus, here I am, writing a blog, because I have finished all my work before others who tend to have lesser work to do than me ....

Mother To A Child

2005-10-17T14:17:00.000+08:00

The Same

Time changes many things, but many things stay at the same time. On 16th October 2005, a nice Sunday morning, I came home from my soccer match almost noon. Like every other day at office, my tummy beckons my tender attention without fail. Typically, it will softly call for me between 10am to 12pm.

While I was enjoying the serenity and peace, focusing on the task at hand, an angry shriek from above shattered the fragile glass facet warding me. It was my neighbour I had never seen or known. She was lecturing her kids and she was very loud! Unfortunately, this sudden audio tremor disrupted the flow of my "Qi" and I had to cease fire. Pearl Harbour was let off with mild damage sustained as the sirens sounded early.

Disgruntled, I listened in to the University lecturer, something I had rarely done in my tertiary years. It was interesting while it lasted. Extraordinary things happen when I needed some peace and quiet most, especially when I am shitting!

Lost In Translation

Here is a translation of the lecture I overheard into corresponding English:

"Go out, go out again! One by one, you all go out. She go out already, now your turn to go out. Everyday also go out - better go out and never come home ah!

All of you all no brains one! Why I give birth to a bunch of kids with no brains??!! You all don't know how to think. You all got no worries one ah? Why you all don't know how to think? I got so many things to think about and you all got nothing to think about.

Pigs ah! You all are pigs ah! I give birth to all pigs ah. All pig-headed children! I am talking to you ah. Why I give birth to pigs? Everyone of them are pigs!"

And since nobody bothered to respond to her, she stopped lecturing them. Maybe they did not bother to even listen. So what is the gist of the lecture? She is a mother pig? Girls just want to have fun? Children nowadays are way too pampered?

I guess its everything and more. In my younger days, I survive on marbles, zero-point and hum-dum-bola; these days are the age of X-box and PlayStations. Just some food for thought ...

Adventures of Girley Man and Taichi Man

2005-10-12T12:40:00.000+08:00

Introducing Girley Man

It was another fine morning. After a hot cup of Milo (because I got gastric flu, so I cannot drink my kopi-o), I was all set for Pearl Harbor. I made myself comfortable in the cubicle, waiting for you-know-what to squirm out. Many people ask why I use the term "Squirm" - to me, anything that comes out of a small hole is squirming out.

Anyway, I was concentrating when I heard the main toilet door opening. Then I heard some flustered whispers. Bang! The cubicle next to mine shut closed and murmuring continued as I heard the sound of zip and belt. Dong, dong dong! Poot, poot, poot! The din echoed from my next cubicle while the person continued murmuring to himself. Its distracting my efforts despite my extremely good concentration skills.

I endured the murmuring for quite a bit before I am finally done. Usual routine completed, I opened the door and wanted to proceed to the basin when I realised the cubicle next to mine was empty. Then, I saw him! He is the plump and short girley man from my company. He grinned at me and said, "Hello!", eyelashes fluttering as he looked at me. Yucks! He must be the one murmuring and whispering while shitting! I gave a weak smile, washed my hands and got out. Its disgusting but I learnt something new today!

Taichi Man

My tummy was still bad after round 1, so I had to visit the toilet a while later. This time, I bumped into Taichi man entering the squatting cubicle as I walked into the toilet. You must be wondering why he is called Taichi man - its plainly because he goes for Taichi practice every other day after work at some clan/association. I had ever mentioned that some idiot wets the squatting cubicle when he washes his butt there with his pants and shoes on, and I had always suspected him to be the culprit. So, I had to confirm one more time that the idiot is him.

I stepped into the adjacent cubicle and started doing my business. Patiently I waited until I heard the toilet paper being torn from the toilet roll. Immediately after that, I heard water coming out of the tap, followed by quick repetitions of "Piak piak piak". He was washing his backside. I look under the gap between the 2 cubicles and saw his left shoe and pants. Yes! He was washing his backside with his pants on. I quickly cleaned up so that I could go out and question him. In less than 30 seconds, I was out of the cubicle but he had disappeared. I guess he knew I was going to do something like that so he got the hell out of the toilet as soon as he could. Disgusting! Thats Taichi Man for you!

Round 3

Anyway, I am going for round 3 now. I will probably write again when I feel better ...

Friday Blues

2005-10-07T11:41:00.000+08:00

I Was Wrong

I thought I would be very busy. A meeting that was supposed to take up the full morning ended in 30 minutes because my boss got something urgent to deliver. Then the meeting in the afternoon that was supposed to last 2 hours ended in 1 hour because I was too smart at explaining stuff.

Plane of Time

It takes extraordinary circumstances to invoke extraordinary measures. I explored many ways to kill time:

1. Use a dagger - Does not seem to work
2. Use a gun - See above
3. Surf the Internet - I run out of URLs to surf
4. Play games - I am too disciplined to do that at work
5. Smoke - A 5 minutes a stick, I am now at my last stick ...
6. Drink coffee - About 3 cups so far and I bet my shit will turn blackish ...
7. Chat with Suvena - She is drawing some stupid picture and got no time for me ...
8. Gossip - My colleague next cubicle is fasting and got no strength to talk ...
9. Archive my emails - Took me 30 minutes, so whats next??!!
10. Suck thumb - Yah, thats what I am doing now ...

Playing With Time

Then it struck me straight at the heart. If days like this come along, I should have something up my sleeve to tackle them.

1. Arrange for meetings - I am going to talk slower this time
2. Visit other colleagues - I must find some common topics to talk about
3. Start conversation on Instant Messengers - The sound of the keyboard clicking is so sweet and misleading
4. Call Suvena - I wonder what she will be drawing this time .... larvae??
5. Smoke - I need to bring a backup pack
6. Drink coffee - I think I would sip instead of drink ...
7. Bang Sai - Killing 2 birds with 1 stone. Great idea!!
8. Pack my table - Impossible to finish in a day ...
9. Sleep - I must start training to do that with my eyes wide open!
10. Suck thumb - When all else fails ...

Naked

2005-10-06T15:23:00.001+08:00

Or Not Naked

Okay you sick people, the title caught your attention! Hahaha!! I am going to be extremely busy tomorrow, so I thought I would wrap up my blog for the week on this fine sunny day. Unlike the title, I am going to touch on the very topic of humanity, maybe sprinkling the "naked vs not naked" subject as illustrations.

Human beings are very fetish animals, and its apparent everyday of our lifes. Even on cartoon network, we see the fetish work of human beings being broadcasted at poor children watching them. In the cartoons, we see animals wearing clothes!! Yes, aren't animals supposed to be naked all the time. All this garbage embedded into the brains of children resulted in them growing up, and then dressing their pet dogs, pet cats, pet pigs and even pet birds in garments! While the animals should really be naked, human beings end up wanting to clothe them up because Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse wears clothes.

I would really consider human beings as animals too, but the elites would beg to differ. In my opnion, we are the only animal species going around wearing clothes. I do not think there is anything seriously wrong with then since we cannot grow thick fur to protect ourselves from the cold, nor grow thorns to hide ourselves from danger. But, the fetish thing is that human beings want to see other human beings in the flesh; quite like the way they want to see naked animals clothed.

Try renaming a video of Aerosmith's concert into some weird name like "Naked niece and clothed Husky" or "Mother cow taking a shit" and placing them on P2P networks like Limewire or eDonkey, you would end up with hundreds or thousands of people downloading them within days. Thats human fetish for you!

So if humans go around naked by default, we would be scrambling to see people clothed; and if animals wear clothes, humans would rush to see a naked animal. Harsh fact!

Disgusting

2005-10-05T14:40:00.000+08:00

Indemnity

I feel like shit after constantly looking at the picture in my previous blog, even more so after watching the video clip. While I have more than half a mind to remove the picture, I ultimately thoght it best to leave it there for educational purposes. Basically, if you get any strange ailment, please see a doctor and get it healed. Larvaes do not grow in boobs alone, they also grow in other parts of your body after you get a cut or something, and you did not treat it properly. I have heard of people getting larvae in their wounds after falling down and even after insect bites! So take care of yourself if you get any open wounds.

Oh, and considering the shit I am feeling after watching this stuff, I will not be surprised if you feel the same as me. My lady colleague showed me this stuff after she could not forget the grostesque images after watching them a few days ago. I suspect the same may happen to me, and very likely to you too. So, I am including this indemnity clause that if you should end up feeling shitty like me, don't blame me because those are your eyes you are using. If it makes you feel any better, think of the pain I am going through now ... I am having Neh Neh phobia .....

Snippets of the Day

Morte: I am still feeling shitty .... smoking does not help so i now eat salty thing
SilveR: I happily writing client email then you send me this thing, now no mood liao
Morte: haha

Five minutes later ...

SilveR: dun work knn
Morte: haha
Morte: i think i got neh neh phobia now
SilveR says: CB!
Morte says: brrrrrrrr....rrrr
SilveR says: i need to get a dosage of beautiful neh neh from some porn site now. else my impression of neh neh is ruined!
Morte says: Lol

Old Series of Unfortunate Somethings

2005-10-05T13:34:00.000+08:00

Larvae

While I am still on the topic of boobs, my colleague showed me a disgusting email today of larvaes. Some innocent woman went for a trip and got some rashes on her boobs when she returned. A few trips to the doctors could not solve the itch until she finally got in touch with some specialist. The specialist managed to find out the problem when he removed the bandages on her boobs, but it was kinda too late. Her right boob became filled with crevices, with larvaes squirming in and out of them. Apparently, they were feeding off her boobs, fatty tissues and milk canals. Yucks! If you are in the circle of trust, and Suvena has your email, you will probably see this email soon enough. There is an attached video clip depicting the removal of the larvae from her boobs. I am having static pulsing through my body ever since I saw that email. This is not explicit nudity, but a medical portrayal of a serious condition. The picture was once here, but was just removed because every single person who had seen it got badly traumatised! Drop me an email if you want to take a chance at it - I still have it snugly saved in my mail folder.

Walk Bright

The general advice to people is to make the right decisions in life so that you can walk on with your head held high. I thought its good advice, and I always strive to do that. When I wrote my last Blog about the bra saga, my recall button was accidentally hit, and I remembered a series of "walk bright" incidents a few months back. Its something light-hearted after going through the trauma of the larvae discussion.

It was another one of those bright and windy day. I was having my break beneath my office tower, watching the clouds and crowd pass me by. Sadly, time crawls when you are working. The rhythmic sway of the trees and kaleidoscopic manifestation of the clouds are sights to behold. Less pleasing to watch are the crowds of officer workers rushing across my eyes in frenzy. At the most opportune time, the gusts of ferocious wind blew across my face and the flared mini-skirt of an office lady in front of me flew up a.k.a. Marilyn Monroe. Wow, she is walking bright! And white :p

The long day ended at 6pm, and I made my way to the MRT station. Right at the same spot beneath my office tower, another few gusts of strong wind blew across the compound and flipped another flared skirt up. This time it was a Malay girl, and her face turned as white as her ... ahem!

Twice a day is coincidental enough, but a third time is great luck! Lady luck is smiling upon me that day. At the traffic junction before the MRT station, I was waiting to cross the road. Across the road was a young lady in another short, flared and pleated skirt. Trust fate to conjure a few more gusts of hurricane. Sure enough, the skirt flipped to reveal another white elephant!

Three times in a day, I witnessed 3 ladies walking bright, wearing the same cutting of short-flared skirt, and with the same whiteness beneath! To the Chinese, it is bad luck to spot the undergarments of ladies. While 3 times in a row is pretty miraculous, I slept early that night, just to play safe.

On recollection, I thought its just weird how these things can happen to a innocent young man like me ... I mean I am so innocent ...

A Series of Unfortunate Somethings

2005-10-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

Papayas

I thought she was amazing as she walked non-chalantly out of Carrefour, 2 little papayas hidden beneath her top. Or rather, the security guards must be dreaming again. After I got my stuff from the Carrefour counter, I stepped out to have some fresh air. There she is again, in a red cardigan, still holding the papayas under her top. The Malay girl was talking to her friend. Being the gentleman I had always been, I held my ground, taking in deep breaths of fresh air. Work sucks, and fresh air keeps you awake. Scientists say that the lack of oxygen makes people yawn and feel tired.

The next moment I turned in her direction, she had edged close to me, but she was chatting with a friend who appeared out of nowhere. My eyes zoomed in on the papayas she was still hiding within. Its weird, they are shaped like papayas, but no person in a decent frame of mind would hide papayas beneath their top. Then she giggled, as her friend tickled her laugh glands. They were jelly-like movements, like the quivering of the "Tao Hu", or beancurd.

I suddenly blushed at my own innocence. They were not papayas - those were her unsupported assets. Incidentally, Microsoft had decided not to support Windows 2000 anymore. In any case, I should have known the acnes on either sides were not goosebumps on the surface of the papayas. Thus, began the day my innoncence was cruelly breached ...

See No Evil

I had always thought with smaller eyes, other than looking cuter, I would have an equally smaller chance of seeing things I should not have seen. Moreover, my perfect eyesight had somewhat deteriorated since I started work more than half a decade ago. Hopefully with age, my long-sightedness will contra my short-sightedness problem and eventually give me back my perfect vision. But today, 3rd October 2005, someone had apparently planned my day in advance.

Choo, choo ..... I was on the MRT train on my way home. It is Children's Day, but the train was crowded. I thought parents would have taken a day off to accompany their fun-deprived kids. The mentality driven into parents these days is to Push And Push their children to learn everything with what available time there is - its all education and little play. Anyway, I got my favourite spot against the side of the doorway. At every station, people forced their way in, and my limited space became no space.

Then, at Red Hill station, a bony middle-aged lady came in and stood right in front of me, perpendicular to be exact. I thought she stood on my toes for quite a while and refused to move. I tried to look down at my toes, loe and behold, I saw only skin beneath 2 flaps of soft styrofoam pads. She was wearing a cardigan over a spaghetti strapped top, but her spaghetti top seemed a little too big for me, and was way below her Brazil!! And since Brazil was bigger than Singapore, and she was in fact in Singapore, err need I say more??!! Okay, I will just say one more - her Singapore is too small for Brazil, so there are big openings all over. I tried in vain to preserve my innocence, looking over her head, but instinctively looking down whenever she applied too much pressure on my toes.

Clementi Station

From my past experiences, I am beginning to have great expectations whenever the train stops at Clementi station. My expectations were not let down as a big group of ladies squeezed their way into the train at Clementi. The Singapore-Brazil saga was over as they somehow pushed her all the way in, and they took over the mantle. I thought I had seen the end of the runway, but Rocky Mountains decided to pay me a visit. Some young lady decided to embrace the pole beside the wall I am leaning on. As she hugged it passionately, Rocky landed his vicous blows on my poor triceps. I was cornered, and had no way to go. Tears gleened in my eyes as I endured the treacherous journey to the next station where I will alight. My innocence was hammered each time Rocky smacked and brushed his punches against me. It was 5 minutes, but it seemed forever, when the train finally stopped and I jumped off. Soon, very soon, I will be home ...

I hopped onto my next train as it arrived a good few minutes later. It was similarly packed. I made my way to the opposite doorway but my spot was taken by 2 apnn girls. The journey home is going to be short, so missing the luxury of standing at that G-spot will not be that bad. Never did I expect to find Brazil standing just next to me!! I shifted to her front and made myself comfortable. At least no more runway incidents, I thought. But no, she learnt a new trick! She is now a butt kisser. Brazil had turned around and was butt kissing my butt. Yucks! I had no more space to move in front, nor sideways as the rubba rubba rubba continues. My innocence bled as the train crawled towards my station.

After I alighted, I hastily walked home, wanting to forget the damage done. It was like my innocence was smeared with shit. I guess theres only one way to make things right - get the shit out of my system, away from my innocence. Naturally, I went to bang sai. Everything felt more positive after that. My entire self was at peace. I thought through the whole episode, reflecting on the day's events. It was a good 30 minutes before I uncovered my un-doing. I forgot to bang sai at 11am this morning because I was too caught up with work; I forgot to red rid of the shit before shit caught up with me!!

Morale of the story

This reminds me of a phrase my maternal grandmother likes to use - "Sai Gao Kah Cheng", meaning the shit reach the a$$-hole liao. She uses it whenever someone does things at the last minute. The way she will say it goes something like "Ah Nua Mai Za Cho, Ai Dan Ga Sai Gao Kah Cheng Ga Cho, Buay Hu Liao Lah!!", meaning why not do earlier, wait unitl shit reach the a$$-hole then do, now cannot make it already.

But in the context of my bad experience, when the "Sai Gao Kah Cheng", better go and shit, or it will come back to haunt you .....

Aliens

2005-09-29T13:06:00.000+08:00

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

This phrase is so commonly used after some author published a book just to talk about the differences between men and women. Personally, I thought it was a book to shield both men and women from their inadequacies, no doubt there are quite major differences between the 2 genders. Still, the book makes entertaining reading for those who take the time to flip through the pages. Then again, if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, wouldn't their off-spring be some weird alien from Men in Black? Probably thats why there are gays and lesbians around to preserve the pure race of Marshians and Venusians!

As far as I am concerned, hamburgers are not from Hamburg and french fries are not French. Men and women are merely 2 ends of the same rainbow.

Humans Are Alien

Anyway, to humans are very contradictory species. To illustrate how alien human beings can be sometimes, I thought of a list of some weird things human beings engage in:

1. Work - humans invented work, then slog themselves to death working.

2. Education - humans created education, then force everybody to learn something. Yet eventually, we end up doing something different from what we learned later in life.

3. Sex - sex is a procreation process. Humans call it sex to make it sound more appealing. Then they invented contraceptives to prevent procreation. The government eventually steps in to encourage more sex by promoting a happy family. Then humans get taxed for bearing more children when the population gets a little too big. Vicious cycle!

4. Pornography - its a lame excuse to have sex as part of your work. Its entirely different from prostitution because sex is everything about your work. Its amazing why humans like watching other humans having sex when its better doing it yourself. Is it because of the 108 positions ... err ... transformations?

5. Food - humans argue that we live to eat, thats why we create food with cute little designs and all kinds of flavours. The fact is that we have to eat to live, period!

6. Laws - when human creativity is stifled, advocates of the creative spirit encourages others to think out of the box, to know that laws are meant to be broken. Yah I agree, Law is a boring subject to be studying.

7. Speech - if a picture speaks a thousand words, I would rather draw a picture. Correspondingly, if speech is silver, silence is gold, its always better to keep your mouth shut. Still, human beings talk more than anything else.

So what should you do when someone offers to hold for you while you are peeing at the urinal in the toilet at Zouk on a Sunday night? My best friend advocates this reply, "50 dollars!"

Personality Test

2005-09-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

Life exploring and embracing ideal-seeker

I went to this link to sign up for the StarHub i-mode trial, and they forced me to fill up some survey. Truthfully, I completed the form, and very honestly, StarHub gave me an analysis of my personality. Lets see if they will offer me the trial.

You are always on the look out for new things, you are curious, active and often the first to know. You hate to kill time? that would be cruel, and after all, every moment is precious. You are fully aware that life is a one lap race. You like to enjoy every moment, getting lots out of life, because you put lots in

You like to live a life of action that is based on seeking experience, pursuing plans, dreams, and visions. Other people will tend to see you as multi-talented, diverse, curious, and experienced, with a strong appreciation for beauty, style, and aesthetic flair. You will tend to maintain a youthful spirit, viewing the world as a giant playground

Sometimes you can go crazy with activity, juggling many different activities and plans in their heads at the same time. Others may see you as unusually lucky, although in reality your "luck" happens because you are unusually perceptive of opportunities and quick to grab them. You can be an unusually good problem solvers in a pinch, improvising clever solutions out of whatever is at hand.

Even though your work style seems rather chaotic you are often extremely prolific and productive. Your improvisational ability can means that you can entertaining and comedic, but with a tendency to disappear when slower, boring tasks need to be done. You are also a good "generalists", because you can quickly master several areas of expertise, and cross-fertilize between them.

Famous people with similar traits include:
Richard Feynmann, Warren Buffet, John F. Kennedy, Shirley Temple, Howard Stern, Newt Gingrich, Madonna, Theodore Roosevelt, Jesse Ventura

Decisions

2005-09-23T13:35:00.000+08:00

The White Box

One of the worst things that can happen to a person is getting a tummyache at the most inappropriate times. Imagine getting up the bus from Bedok Interchange enroute to Jurong Interchange and getting a bad tummyache 3 bus-stops later. Or like me, getting a tummyache in the MRT on my way to work when I am still like 10 stops from my workplace. Should I get down at the next stop to use the loo, or should I endure all the way to office (thats like another 40 mins of Hurricane Katrina stirring in my tummy)?

Today, I went into the toilet to settle my tummyache as usual. After 30 minutes of torturous squatting, its time to pack up and go. I tugged a little at the toilet paper sticking out of the big white box. The toilet paper streamed out of the box softly and gently. I could easily tell that this is cheap toilet paper, the pigmentation and craters on the surface of the paper hides no secrets. Shockingly, the toilet paper trail ended, and the piece of about 12 segments floated like a butterfly onto wet toilet floor. Its ironic, but I am in deep shit!

Its time to make big decisions. I looked at my jeans hanging on the toilet door and pondered over the choice of calling someone in office to drop by with some softer tissue paper. Maybe I should just sneak out of my cubicle and grab some toilet paper from the adjacent cubicle. What if someone steps into the toilet while I was sneaking butt-naked to the other cubicle? Extraordinary situations call for extraordinary measures - perhaps I could sacrifice my briefs to be a grandfather clock for half the day. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock ... I suddenly recalled the "kopi-so" at my once favourite coffee-shop shouting, "Waaaaa yao siu ah! Xiang aye lasup tei kor tim pang giam mun to ka??!!" Err.... perhaps not ....

"Poot poot poot poot poot plat plat plat!" the sound of music shattered the ghastly silence in the toilet. My flow of thought was broken. I was so deep in contemplation that I did not realise someone had gone into my adjacent cubicle. Now I have the option of asking the fellow next door to throw some me some toilet paper, but should I ....

More than 10 minutes have passed, and I am still doing squats. I could feel the warmth seeping out my legs, and numbness creeping in. When an aeroplane crashes, the authorities will search for the Black Box to understand the circumstances of the accident. I only have a white box, and it had deserted me. In a desperate attempt, I slither my hand through the hole at the bottom of the white box into the toilet paper holding area. I felt my way inside - it was warm and moist and soft. It groaned as I stretched my hand deeper in. I could feel it now, I think I have found the spot. It was sticky and I think the end might have got "glued". Gently, I tugged the piece free.

To my relief, it was really toilet paper, and there is enough to go around! I used the toilet paper prudently. This should be the end of my troubles, but fate dictates otherwise. I had to hang around the toilet for like another few minutes because my legs were too numb to walk. It was almost an hour by the time I reached my cubicle in office. There will be more decisions to make when I checked my email on my black box. It will be a black box until my company decides to get the new Dell computers with the chic white casing.

Danzig's Den

Whatever decisions you make, you will have to live with the outcomes. Years ago, when the Internet was just introduced in Singapore, I started my own webpage. The year was around 1995/1996. Being a great fan of the rock grup Danzig, I made a website called Danzig's Den with stupid themes and great midis. It lacked a unique logo and a lot more content. I went the hard way and created an animated gif of me in my Pu Yi glasses. The sad part of the story is that I had never ever uploaded that image into my virgin webpage. As a nice parting gesture to this article, I will share it with you. Enjoy!

Ah Pu Neh Neh

2005-09-15T14:41:00.000+08:00

Its So Hard To Say I'm Sorry

This is almost like a brand new article. I was extremely honest with my opinions in the first edition, but was worried people might get the wrong idea. So I came out with the second edition. Uber templar Davienne then hinted that she was concerned I might become the victim of a money-making plot, so here goes Ah Pu Neh Neh third edition.

They are called ah pu neh neh (or apnn) by people on the streets since donkey years ago. I am also going to call them apnn because everybody calls them apnn. Hate to end up like those poor bloggers who kena defamatory suits because they were honest. Just happened that those people whom they blogged about got the money to engage a lawyer to sue them. After the lawsuits, these people will probably end up with more money to sue other bloggers. What a vicious cycle!

To give a very balanced view, let me clarify that I do like our native apnn. I got lots of apnn friends and we play football together in a league. Conversely, I have my reservations when it concerns "apnn imports". I have personal bad experiences with them, and I would like to describe these incidents in my blog to share with my friends. If you are not my friends, and you think you might be peeved with my stories, please get lost! However, if you are going to enjoy the contents of my true stories, do read on and enjoy!

Typically, I tend to get crashed in by apnn when I am taking the MRT. Might be my handsome looks, but whether men or women, young or old, they just like to stand very close to me. In fact, I would be able to feel the hair on their skin, the breath from their nose, and the magic oil (no idea what those are called) many of them apply. Personally, I prefer the smell of the Axe brand oil.

Have you ever heard apnn talk on the phone? I got on the MRT at City Hall station and there were 2 male apnn standing next to me. When the train reached Raffles Place station, one of the apnn's phone rang. From the moment he picked up his phone, all he said was "okay" while swivelling his head like he was on drugs. He probably said "okay" at average intervals of 10 seconds, so mathematically, on the 23 minute ride from Raffles Place station to Jurong East station, he would have said 138 times of "okay" and swivelled his head 138 times. Out of the 140 words he said, 138 of them were the same words. In case you did not know, the other 2 words were "hello" and "bye". Anyway, he swivelled his head only 139 times because he was trying to catch his balance once when he said "okay", and absent-mindedly forgot to shake it.

Apnn probably are not used to the humidity. They tend to end up in the MRT with 2 different shades and 4 spots on their shirts. It could be fashion, but 2 big round patches at the chest and back, plus 2 smaller patches of circles at the arm-pits do not appeal the least to me. Many times, these apnn stretched their hairy arms over my head to grab the pole, or the hand-hold in the train. Although I am taller than them in most cases, but I cannot stand the sight of their wet arm-pits in my face. Its basic courtesy not to do things like that. The shorter species of the human race would probably have drowned in the sea of sorrows!

Now, to the very incident that spurred me to write this article. Just a couple of days ago, I was rudely awakened by some stupid apnn in the MRT train. I was very fortunate to have found a seat on the train that day - it was 13th September 2005. A seat basically meant that I could nap my way home from Bugis station. The train became very crammed as I sat on the seat dozing on and off. On one of the stations that was not underground, the apnn stepped into the train. I was asleep with my legs nicely crossed and tucked. All of a sudden, I felt a shoe on my lap! This stupid fat apnn tried to cross over almost my entire body in the midst of the crowd because he found an available hand-hold. There was absolutely no standing space there even though the hand-hold was available but the stupid apnn persisted. After he had 1 of his fat legs across, he lost his balance and the trailing leg stepped onto my lap, close to my precious. I was absolutely shocked, and even more disgusted when I saw that apnn. I stared fiercely at him, hoping for at least a word of apology, but he acted blur and looked away. A few minutes passed, and he was still pretending to be enjoying the scenery outside. I was utterly pissed, so I grabbed out my Nokia mobile phone, set it to silent mode and aimed it at the apnn!

"Click click!!" The sound from my handphone resonated across the carriage. At this moment, I realised that Nokia phone's silent mode applies only to the ring tone and message beeps, not to the camera functions. Despite the commotion, the apnn still tried to act blur. I continued to monitor him until he finally alighted at Clementi station. Here he is, the Clementi apnn who refused to apologise!

Meaning of Joke

From the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, the word "joke" means:

Main Entry: ¹joke
Pronunciation: 'jOk
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin jocus; perhaps akin to Old High German gehan to say, Sanskrit yAcati he asks
1 a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist b (1) : the humorous or ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting : KIDDING joke> c : PRACTICAL JOKE d : LAUGHINGSTOCK
2 : something not to be taken seriously : a trifling matter joke -- Harold Callender> -- often used in negative construction joke to be lost in the desert>

The joke below is meant to provoke laughter and is something not to be taken seriously. If you cannot take jokes, please leave my Blog immediately. Otherwise, by reading on, you are accepting the paras below as humourous and senseless banter.

The Joke Proper

A policeman went to the hairdresser one day to have his hair cut. After he got his 2 by 4 style done, he was stopped from paying by the hairdresser.

"This week is Charity Week. I am doing this for free," remarked the hairdresser. The policeman was touched and he came back the next day with a box of donuts for the hairdresser.

On the same day the policeman presented the hairdresser with the donuts, a politician came to the same hairdresser for a hair cut. The hairdresser refused payment after completing the job, citing Charity Week as the reason. The politician was pleasantly surprised and he came back the next day with matching white shirt and skirt as gifts for the hairdresser.

After the politician left, an apnn visited the hairdresser for hair rebonding. Its a tough job with the pubic curls and such, but she finished it and similary refused payment because it is still Charity Week. The apnn was very pleased. He thanked the hairdresser and left in a hurry.

The next day, the hairdresser came to work as usual. Its the last day of Charity Week. When she arrived at her salon, she found 20 apnn waiting outside her salon .....

Mid Autumn Festival

2005-09-13T16:23:00.000+08:00

Seafood

Today is the aftermath of Kerrendor and Minou's wedding affair. Its Saturday and we were getting ready for some fever. We were going to gate-crash Elyxia's colleague's chalet at Pasir Ris. He kinda promised to give us the living room and dining area, but we ended up with only a small room with a toilet attached. Its roughly the size of a small HDB bedroom, and the toilet is half the size of the room.

Suvena and I hitched a ride in Hevun's black sports car to the chalet. We were the early birds, and had only the comfort of the small room with the toilet. It was 6pm when we arrived, and past 7pm when everybody else (with the exceptions of Flowerpot and Wooo) stepped into the small room with the toilet. Twelve full-bodied adults starved and crammed in a small room with a toilet is a bad proposition, so we took a stroll to Fishermen's Village to have out seafood dinner. Our scouts lead the way in the pitched dark park, and we were fortunate to have reached our destination, having encountered a group of kids chanting and screaming around candles arranged like a pentagon.

We were divided into 2 groups of 6. My group, made up of Silvermist, Sheylara, Elyxia, Khalrik, Suvena and me, had sambal squids, sambal vegetables, sambal barbequed sting-ray, black pepper crab and mee goreng. The other group consisting of Talin and wife, Hevun, Dagonnex, Davienne, Kerrendor and Minou had more dishes, but my group had the quality ones. Dinner was great!

Big Red Lantern High High Hang

The natural thing to do after dinner was to stroll back to the chalet to play with lanterns. At the chalet, we fixed up our lanterns for the photo-shooting and lantern fighting. I had an Ultraman retractable lantern that kicked ass in the lantern fights and looked absolutely glamarous in the photos. It was weird, hard as we tried, none of the lanterns caught fire. They always do in my childhood days ....

Very soon, it was supper time. We laid out our S$500 plus worth of mooncakes on the dining table. The varieties were plenty: durian, chocolate and truffles, crispy yam, cognac, green tea etc etc. This whole hour was so exciting and a complete blank to me. I remembered mooncake being stuffed into my mouth, and waking up standing behind a black sofa while holding a lantern in my right hand.

Since Talin owed everybody big time, so he got his wife Joey to wash the utensils. After much nudging from us, he finally proceeded to the sink and pretended to wash the dishes. While the washing was being done, Silvermist was being out-classed by Hevun in Dead or Alive 3; Dagonnex was kicking everybody's butts in Dead or Alive 2. Soon they realised that the Xbox did not belong to Talin, and they all scampered into the little room with the toilet. Then suddenly, Flowerpot and Wooo arrived!

Bang Bang Ah

Eating a high cholesterol seafood dinner, followed by sinful mooncakes made everybody feel guilty about themselves. I remembered how my grandmother used to clean oily stains off the stove using table-cloths dabbed in alcohol. Being the genius I am, I suggested drinking some alcohol to cleanse our intestines. Intellectuals connect very well with each other, and soon we were doing the advance form of colon cleansing. We had various cleansing solutions with us, like Cordon Bleu, Chivas Regal, Raspberry Vodka, Johnny Walker Black Label etc, remedies for all kinds of conditions!

Davienne suggested a very complex game where everybody had to throw cards and call each other names. Joey was perplexed because everybody kept calling her Zimbabwe. So we changed the game a little, but still Joey was being targeted by everybody. Guess Francis was not such a good name afterall.

We were waiting for our Indian Chief to suggest something less complex, but she did not get the hint and continued staring at the gibberish on the table. So we tried to throw her a bigger hint by playing "Indian Poker", but she was still looking at the gibberish. In fact, she began emulating and scribbling the same kind of gibberish onto pieces of paper. She was sitting between 2 doors facing the South .... I guess that could be the reason!

Exorcism

Its best to act blur when we suspect encounters with the One Kind. Most of the gang carried on with the Indian Poker, while Silvermist and I sat in a corner observing the surroundings and happenings. Soon, we had a rough idea, and started our rituals. There was smoke and the windows behind us opened and closed. Offerings of Cordon Bleu and Green Tea Raspberry Vodka can be found strategically placed along the window grooves. At a certain point in time, Minou even managed to snap a figure in black snarling at her through the window.

It was quite a while before Silvermist and I finished our rituals. We joined the circle on the floor, and miraculously, Indian Chief moved and sat beside Silvermist. I was expecting some gibberish, but all seemed fine. She seemed to be suffering from the after-effects of the gibberish stuff as her reactions were retarded. She went "Ah" when she was "Banged"!!

Flowerpot had a feeling that it could be remnants from the One Kind. Everytime she was "Banged", she went "Wooooooooo". I suspect it could be some tribal ritual. While Indian Chief seemed to be recovering, Silvermist and I started to feel a little weird. Both of us began to "Bang" and "Ah" at the most inappropriate of times. No!!!! One Kind is now targeting Silvermist and me!!

At this point in time, Suvena revealed the most potent weapon we had. She slowly uncovered the pot of "Holy Water" hidden behind the television console. In between badly timed "Bangs" and "Ahs", Silvermist and I scrambled to consume the water to exorcise the One Kind. This seemed to go on forever ....

"Wah! Keep your noise level down! My colleague messaged me until handphone no battery liao!" exclaimed Elyxia.

Suddenly, everything began clear again. I could see Davienne and Sheylara on my right. Suvena and Joey were sitting on my left. Talin, Flowerpot and Dagonnex were intensely peering from opposite of me. I turned and realised Silvermist was next to Sheylara. The pot was empty now .... our work is done. I hoped Elyxia's colleagues understand what Silvermist and I were doing here, we had expelled One Kind!

Aftermath

All exhausted and giddy from over-cleansing and the exorcism, we began to leave in packs. I tried to leave first (so that I don't have to do the cleaning up), but Suvena was busy debating the "Big Three Circles" and "Big Four Happiness" with Dagonnex, Davienne and Hevun. We ended up leaving last, but we still didn't clean up the room.

Suvena, Dagonnex, Davienne and Hevun were still engrossed in their discussions over the possible formations, the latest being the "13th Ones". Amidst the conversations, we ended up at my home. Not satisfied with mere dialogue, the 4 of them sat around a table and began proposing and countering each others' strategies and tactics.

Being a peace loving person, I chose to distance myself away from these acts of violence and hid myself in another room with a toilet. It was not long before I heard Davienne say,"I want to disturb Morte!"

A dog will jump over the wall if cornered, and buddha jump over the wall is an excellent dish. I sprung to my feet and with a whisper of my voice, magically bode Davienne farewell. Dagonnex and hevun magically left through the door and Suvena appeared lying next to me snoring. Although I did not even touch any maths, the aftermath of the exorcism also seemed like a dream ....

Meow Meow

2005-09-13T12:16:00.000+08:00

Lord of the Ring

One Ring to rule them all,
One Ring to find them
One Ring to bring them all,
and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where shadows lie

Nineth of September 2005 is a special day. Siemens invited me to attend a brass concert at the Esplanade. I could not go because its Kerrendor's and Minou's big day at the SAFRA Resort Bungalows! It was a Friday, and I finished work at 5:30pm, played MineSweeper with Silvermist until 6pm. Then I made my way to Raffles Hospital for him to pick me up. The day was quiet and uneventful until Silvermist arrived at 6:50pm, and we bantered all the way to the resort.

The cash card machine at SAFRA was in excellent working condition. It recognised my SAFRA card as expired (expiry is in year 2010) and took Silvermist at least half a dozen attempts before it recognised his cash card as a cash card. We got a nice spot under a tree and found our way to the party - how we wished it was not night yet.

Kerrendor and Minou were officially man and wife when we arrived. We lost no time to congratulate them and help ourselves to the food. When dinner was done, it was time to spring the highlight of the night. Kerrendor and Minou were ushered to the television set where 2 chairs were comfortably arranged for them. The members of "Studygroup" then presented to the newly-weds the mystery gift - it was a Metal Chest! In case you didn't know, Sheylara is the Indian Chief of Studygroup!

Before we allowed the newly-weds to open the gift, we made them watch a video footage specially produced for them, involving members of Studygroup. The video had footages of everybody well-wishing the happy couple, plus a little production depicting the happy future of the beautiful couple. The end of the production had the funny little "NGs" and lots of "Sheylara" in the credits. It ended with a boom: www.sheylara.com

Tears were already swelling in Minous's eyes but she had her mascara to worry about so she swallowed the lump of saliva stuck in her throat and pushed back her droplets of morning dew. To diffuse the emotional moment, Kerrendor tried to open the Metal Chest without disarming first. Boom! Apparently someone was having problems unlocking the toilet door ....

The 9 Rings

There were 9 mythical gifts wrapped within the Metal Chest. One by one the couple unwrapped the gifts. Naturally, we gave them a pretty card with our greetings within. Kerrendor and Minou beamed when reading the card. This was gift number 1.

They were then wowed by the second gift, a calendar with screenshots of Studygroup in each month, and the newly-weds were naturally featured in the month of September. The other highlight of the calendar was of course the month of February.

The next surprise unwrapped was a CD in the shape of a flower. No prizes for guessing correctly - its the VCD of the footage the couple just watched. Two thumbs up - gift number 3!

We deliberated long and hard for the best gifts, so we were not the least surprised when the couple's eyes litted upon finding a box of "Body Bingo" amongst the lootz. Yummy, present number 4!

The couple was now hoping for more sexxor toys. They could not hide their disappointment when they found their next 2 presents were a pair of "Meow Meow" wrist rests and a pair of coasters with their names neatly attached. When they realised 24 eyes were glaring at them with suspicion, Minou promptly went, "Wah, so sweet!!" Ahem, thats more like it - gifts number 5 and 6.

Twenty-four eyes were actually 12 pairs of eyes. Like the previous 2 gifts, the next gift comes in a pair too. Right-click, examine .... a pair of lover mugs, with Kerrendor and Minou pictured on each. The wide smile on Kerrendor's face could not hide his satisfaction with this present. Gift number 7 has been discovered! Its a serverwide first!

On a happy occasion like this, pairs are the flavour of the day. The couple unwrapped a pair of Korean idols symbolising eternal love. Suvena flown them in specially for Kerrendor and Minou. Gift number 8!

Now, for the biggest surprise! I think gift number 9 is the Metal Chest itself. Frankly, I could not remember quite so clearly now, after so many days. So lets assume Metal Chest is gift number 9, we presented 9 gifts to Kerrendor and Minou, an appropriate number of gifts for the 9th of September!

After the gifts presentation ceremony was over, we wasted the night away induldging in senseless conversations over pints and pints of freshly brewed beer from Brewerkz. The celebrations will continue tomorrow, but at the moment, I had better drink a little quicker before Silvermist finishes up the beer!

Suddenly everything became clear. The 9th gift was a pewter photo frame coupled with a pewter wedding certificate holder. It was in fact the 1 box made to hold them all. Minou has on the fourth finger of her left hand the 1 ring made to rule them all (Kerrendor).

Return of the King

To complete this Trilogy, and to keep my head on my shoulder, I had to show you December. Sheylara was complaining I did not talk enough about her. Not a person to tolerate mediocrisy, I took it a step further - Sheylara in more flesh than cloth!

Oh, in case I forgot, the gifts were presented in no order of importance, price or even alphabetical order. I wrote them down in the order I recalled while writing!

Most importantly, I would like to wish Kerrendor and Minou Eternal Bliss!

My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean

2005-09-08T11:47:00.000+08:00

Play Station Concept

When people just discovered PS1 (Play Station 1), I already playing PS2. As people start playing PS2, I already waiting for PS3. I am what people call an innovator, and I have a severe problem called the Innovator's Dilemma.

Another problem I have is also related to PS. This morning as I was discussing some work with my Director in office, my tummy growled half a dozen times for attention. He also got same tummy issues, so he chased me out of his room into the toilet.

In other words: "Actually this morning, before I go into my Director's office, I want to Pang Sai 1, but work is more important, so I go talk to him first. When my tummy growl loudly many times, my Director ask me go toilet because he also got problem with Pang Sai 2. Although I go toilet only 1 time this morning, the W.C. come in 3 waves, so I named the sequence Pang Sai 3. So in just one morning, I went from PS1 to PS2 and finally PS3!"

My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean

An inspirational morning deserves an exhilarating end-product. It goes to the tune of "My Bony Lies Over The Ocean" sung by the Beatles, not because its the best, but simply because it follows the traditional lyrics to the core. The song is specially written for the most dedicated Templar in Dragon's Aura, Davienne. You have to see how many times she dies in a 1 minute, or even how fast she dies in a raid, before you can even comprehend her commitment to the cause.

My Bony Grasp Makes Davienne Laggy

My Bony Grasp makes Davienne laggy
My Bony Grasp makes Davienne LD
My Bony Grasp makes Davienne "Siu Kee"
Oh, Davienne "Wa Guan Lu Kee See"

My Bony Grasp makes Davienne noisy
My Bony Grasp makes Davienne angry
My Bony Grasp makes Davienne moody
Oh, Davienne needs "Reboot PC"

Yeah link dead, Ah link dead
Oh any time she will LD, LD
Oh laggy, Oh laggy
Oh every time she will "Mati"

My Bony Grasp makes Davienne scold me
My Bony Grasp makes Davienne beat me
My Bony Grasp makes Davienne "Bo Chup" me
Oh, Davienne don't want to heal me

Yeah link dead, Ah link dead
Oh any time she will LD, LD
Oh laggy, Oh laggy
Oh every time she will "Mati"

Fat Mama

2005-09-07T11:41:00.000+08:00

One Good Deed Deserves Another

I performed a good deed yesterday on my way home from work. It was 6:30pm, and I was in the MRT together with my colleague. She was fortunate to have grabbed a seat, while I had to just stand in front of her, groveling over that prospect. On her left was a head banger. She banged her head against the window, against her neighbours' shoulders and against the bags she was hugging. On her right was this plump and fair lady whose make-up was so thick her face would probably crack from any facial expressions.

At the City Hall station, I peered out of the window and saw this young lady with a tremendously big tummy - she must be pregnant. Her nose was swelling, and she walked with her hand on her hips a.k.a. backache from the additional weight. She managed to make her way through the crowd into the MRT, and as she was making her way to the dancing pole behind me, the train jerked, and she slid into a man in his 50s. I could almost see him drool at the contact. The pregnant lady apologised and continued to the pole, where she grabbed with all her life using both hands. My colleague was well asleep, and the others next to her were doing the "Great Pretenders".

Next to me was this big lady, with a few huge moles on her face. If my memory serves me correctly, there is one above her right lip, one on her left brow, and another on her tip of her nose. I am sure there are other smaller moles, but they are not as significant as these raisin-sized ones to be of interest. As I was standing arms folded, she was strafing, slowly but surely, closer to me. While I act oblivious to it, I shivered at the thought of jelly-liked arms pressing against me and the aroma of sour sweat tinkling my senses. I hoped its just the smell of sour grapes because she did not get to rest her butt.

"Next stop, Tanjong Pagar," the usual voice rang from the speakers in the train. I pondered as the lady next to my colleague fidgeted her hand bags, plastic bags, sling bags and what-have-you. The "Mole" was inching towards me still, preparing to make her move. In the instance the "Bag" stood up, I spastically slid to that seat and motioned for the pregnant lady to occupy the seat. She thanked me with the watery kitty eyes from Shrek 2. Everybody turned to me with an approving nod, except the "Mole", who was now aiming for the head banger's seat. Probably head banger is alighting soon - she is now acting flustered, digging her bag for stuff.

Ding dong! The door opened again at Outram Park station. A very elderly man limped his way into the train. Mrs Pregnant woman immediately stood up and offered him the seat. He thankfully slumped into the chair, shoulders banging into my colleague as she woke up in fright. The Pretender next to the old man began to feel embarassed that a pregnant lady had to give up her seat for the elderly man, so she offered her seat to Mrs Pregnant woman. It was strange watching the entire sequence of events.

As the train moved off, the elderly man started to spread his wings. He encroached into my colleague's seat as I read the papers he opened up. Good thing my colleague had minimised the amount of space she needed the last 18 months, or else 3 quarters of that seat would not suffice. Unknowingly, the "Mole" had shifted from my left to my right. With that dexterity and agility, she must undoubtedly be one of the top government moles planted among the population.

At the next stop, head banger alighted, still shuffling stuff in her bags. When I turned back, the "Mole" had occupied that seat. Amazing skills! The pungent smell had found a home like the perpetual reasonance of tracks grumbling under the weight of the train and its passengers. She had eased herself onto the seat, her gigantic biceps resting on the left shoulder of my colleague a.k.a "Eyes Wide Shut". Her 18 months of self-preservation came in handy, as she adjusted herself into half of the seat. No winged creature or skunk could put her down!

Recollection

It really does pay to perform good deeds. I sacrificed a seat for a pregnant lady, and I was spared from suffering the poison apple. While I was patting myself, I remembered another incident concerning pregnant women and an obnoxious fat women. That incident happened way back, but I could have easily re-enacted it.

The scene was again, me on a MRT train going back home. That time, I was comfortably in the corner seat of the train that was meant for the elderly, disabled or needy. It was a bloody long day, and I was tired. The whole time I was trying to take a nap, I was being kicked on the leg and awoken by a hoarse voice chatting away on the mobile. I looked up to find a fat and obnoxious woman giggling into the phone while pacing in front of me. She was oblivious to her surroundings, absorbed in her conversation about how the plot of a show should have gone. If she was that good a director, she would have a better sense of direction than to knock into the stationary "ME" sitting quietly in the train. She must really understand her the train does not allow a substantial mass of meat patrolling the standing area when the train is crowded and moving. Many of the passengers were already giving her disapproving stares and glances.

Pissed, I scrutinised the noxious mass closely. She is probably in her late 30s. Her hair was short and spunky, with tints of red and brown badly spreaded. This looked like a poor job done with the D.I.Y. kits. Her cheeks are flushed red from excessive use of the blusher, and her fat lips were coated with a layer of glossy violet lipstick, a little smeared at the edges of her lips. She has got so much space on those lips, how could she even have missed and applied the lipstick onto her face! Similarly, she had mascara blots on her eyelashes, consequence of using too much to curl them up. I thought she would have looked better with lesser make-up. Also, if her cheeks were a lot less puffy, her eyes would have been a better match on the sides of the monstrous nostrils.

Never judge a book by its cover, I thought to myself. But her dressing is just terrible. A white tube and a transparent yellow flowery top going with a pink knee length pleated flare skirt. Her belt was a thick stretch of beige cellulite - her tummy looked big enough to be pronounced pregnant!

For the past 30 minutes, she had not stopped talking nor walking. I could feel some bruises on my shin. A part of me told me to pretend to stretch myself and nonchalantly extend my leg while she was walking past. But that was just too crude, absoultely no flair. Bloody fat woman who looks more pregnant than a pregnant lady!

Blink blink! I just got the most brilliant idea. When my stop was approaching, I stood up, tapped her on her shoulder and said as loudly as I could, "Take a seat! A pregnant woman should not be walking or standing on a moving train - its really bad for the tummy!"

Her face turned absolutely red, rendering her blusher useless suddenly. Her feet were rooted and you could easily tell she was figuring out how to react. The train door opened, I grinned at her and walked out. On my way out of the train, I could hear some chuckling and giggling as noxious mass quickly moved towards the other end of the carriage.

If you ever meet an irritating fat woman in the MRT, you could probably do the same to kick some ass. Yet in reality, I guess you could easily mistaken a fat lady to be a pregnant one.

4 Legs Good, 2 Legs Bad

Its probably the experiences I have had these 30 years. In my personal opinion, fat women tend to be quite irritating and imposing, quite in line with comments in "Female" and "Her World" magazines where the fat women would say that they are very confident and assured of themselves (in tubes and square jeans), ignoring their sizes. I always suspect theres a propaganda going around encouraging such behavior amongst the bigger women. Publications, advertisements and interviews tend to reinforce these women's beliefs in their attitudes.

"A room is a room is a room" the visionaries in the hospitality industry always quote. To me, its simply "A woman is a woman is a woman". While they all come in all shapes and sizes, its always the pleasant-natured who are most likeable. More often than not, the slight odder shapes and sizes tend to have something to prove to themselves, and worse, to the people around them. And by doing that, they lose more friends that they will ever gain.

Learn to accept yourself, then be yourself. Don't try to be a prick and act like you are way above. If you weigh 100 kilograms, wearing a mini skirt and sports bra does not make you look any slimmer or confident. Know your flaws, wear something modest and focus more on your likeable strengths, like your sincerity or helpfulness.

Most of the time, women have this invisible protective wall around them, telling them that everything will be fine. But when that time of the month comes, that invisible wall breaks down and they suddenly feel so helpless and ugly. Its this point in time that they realise the world is a cruel place. Nothing is worse than instilling a false sense of security into women. The Dove movement Campaign For Real Beauty, for example, merely tells a woman that a chicken has 4 legs when it has actually just 2. As they deserved, the movement had received lots of criticism in the papers all over the world. An example of such an article can be found here.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, but beauty is often judged by its facade. Disguising the imperfection of this facade is not right. If she is a shining light beneath the facade, the rays will pierce through the little cracks in the imperfect facade.

Wooo, Me, Hevun Knows

2005-09-06T17:53:00.000+08:00

I just got back from "bang sai". My episode in the toilet, between 3 narrow walls and 1 closed door inspired me to write a song for the 2 special Wizards in Dragons Aura. Of course, I included me inside, because a Warlock is still half a Wizard. It goes to the tune of "Only Heaven Knows" by Rick Price.

Wooo, Me, Heaven Knows

You are a battery
From the time you log on
Till you close your eyes
You do this everywhere you go
Thats all you know ...

And though you cannot nuke
Your nukes keep getting stronger
Everyday
And even now you slack
You're still holding on
So tell me when do you start
Cause its breaking your heart
Don't wanna give power

Maybe Proto Flame will kill someday
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And maybe mages will
Not be so suay
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And all you can do is hope and
Pray 'cause Hevun knows

Your friends keep tellin you
That if you really aggro
You cannot repair for free
But if you are a battery
You are very free
So tell me when do you start
Cause its breaking your heart
Don't wanna give power

Maybe Proto Flame will kill someday
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And maybe mages will
Not be so suay
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And all you can do is hope and
Pray 'cause Hevun knows

Why you live in despair
Cause wide awake or dreaming
You know you cannot nuke
And all this time you act so brave
You're shaking inside
Why it does hurt you so

Maybe Proto Flame will kill someday
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And maybe mages will
Not be so suay
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And all you can do is hope and
Pray 'cause Hevun knows

Maybe Proto Flame will kill someday
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And maybe mages will
Not be so suay
Wooo, me, Hevun knows
And all you can do is hope and
Pray 'cause Hevun knows

The God Sent

2005-09-06T09:56:00.000+08:00

Babies look the most adorable when they are really small and helpless. I probably look the same when I was little. This is my little god-daughter when she was like 1 month old. Her name is Mabel.

The oddest thing about Mabel is the day she was born. My wife was born on 21st October 1978, at about noon time. Her chinese horoscope is a horse. A horse in the afternoon is a restless spirit, and my wife is absolutely restless. Mabel came to this world on 21st October 2002, an hour or so before noon, not because she was due then, but because her mum could not endure for an hour more.

It was then sheer coincidence that a fortune-teller told Mabel's parents that she would need a god-father born in the year of the Rabbit, and a god-mother born in the year of the Snake. And again, by sheer fate, I was probably the only guy among Mabel's parents born a "Rabbit". Being a god-father is not easy - I have to go through some rituals like offering incense. Mabel was a cry-baby when she was little. We waited an hour for her to stop crying so that we could go through the rituals, but she refused to stop crying, well, like a true blue baby! In the end, we just ignored her cries and began the rituals. The weird thing was that she stopped crying the moment we started. Maybe she was just impatient waiting for the whole thing to start so that she can get her new god-father, hehe.

So there she is, pretty as a doll, naughty as my wife and wild as a stallion (or should I say mare, haha), my adorable god-daughter, Mabel!

Discovery Channel

2005-09-05T20:32:00.000+08:00

Shocking Relevation

I am home from mooncake shopping with Suvena, sitting in front of my computer, playing around. My nose was itching and it was irritating to say the least. I reached into my right nostril, trying to ease the tickle. The culprit was a nostril hair sticking out and poking into the wall of the tunnel. With dead precision, I grabbed and pulled! Out it came, and to my astonishment, it was an incredibly long nostril hair, like 2 centimetres in length. It kinda reminded me of Stephen Chow's comedies where he pulled from within his nose nostril hair about the length of 1 metre. Yucks!

The nose is still itching, this time I felt it was the left nostril. I reached in and felt about - there it is. It was a little deep, but it felt really thick and luxuous. A little shove of the fingers and I got a good grip on it. Out it came! Freaking hell, it was a thick and white nostril hair! Guess hair on every part of your body turns white eventually when you grow older, even those in places the sun never shine!

Memories

The nostril hair incident struck me, and it reminded me of this Indian girl in my office. She is a native North Indian, just joined my company few months ago. Her cubicle was just opposite mine. While she tries to be friendly, I really cannot be bothered much with her. Well, the thing is, she tries too hard to impress.

There was this fine day, when I was busy doing my work and she was rambling away loudly opposite me about the good night-spots in Singapore, and trying to educate the older guys in her team about the night-life. It was disgustingly disgusting! One look at her, you know she is a nerdy girl from your typical Enid Blyton book. Her dressing is not just ordinary, its like the older female executives in my company who are waiting for their retirement to come. Flowery silky blouses with thick shoulder pads, weird looking skirts, covered black leather shoes and ankle stockings - oh my goodness!!!

I was not the only one complaining. My colleagues suddenly started crowding my cubicle and cursed and swore at her. I look at her, and I got needles pricking my body. It was her hair!! She had hair that looked like pubic hair!! Everybody turned and stared at her, like it was rehearsed. They began giggling, then burst into uncontrollable laughter. It was a good 10 minutes before they got a hold of themselves.

Later that day, my colleagues came up to me and said, "Ever since you mentioned that her hair looks like pubic hair, we have never dared to look at her hair. It really looks like pubic hair, and we feel so embarassed just looking at it!"

So, it was my fault. But if your hair grew in the wrong place, its not my problem. She has to thank her lucky stars the pubic hair did not grow on her eyebrows or eyelids!

K 歌之王

2005-09-05T16:02:00.000+08:00

Whining and Ranting

I am a whiner, and I rant like a lunatic. It was 2nd September 2005 (Friday), the start of an endearing weekend of fun and laughter. Work ended at 5:30pm that day. The moment I stepped out of office, I made my way home, dressed in an absolutely gorgeous partying outfit. I took them off when I reached home, and threw them into the washing machine. Great start to a weekend!

Jolin Wannabe

"Try, you shall not. Do, you must!", Master Yoda advised the young Suvena Uzumaki. I was supposed to join my friends at PartyWorld for a fun-filled Karaoke session on Saturday. My wife, having had her concert the weekend before at a similar Karaoke session, is determined to introduce newer and more repertoires to her selection of hits. After an ordinary dinner of fish soup, fried oyster and fried kuay teow, I logged onto the deadly (i.e. most deaths) Morte and started fulfilling the orders for weapons and shields I received in game. Madam Uzumaki logged off her EverQuest 2 instantly, and began downloading MP3s and lyrics in preparation for Saturday. Finally satisfied with the number of songs, she began learning the songs. I appreciate her efforts, really, but she wanted my opinions, she wanted to know if she is doing her stuff right. Errr .... I taught her how to record with the microphone attached to her computer instead.

"I asked for a chair, but he gave me a table" - Rafael Benitez's famous quote at Valencia FC. I thought I made a brilliant move when I got her to measure her own singing. However, she ended up laughing the whole night, listening to her own singing, and asking me for my ratings. Being a strict and honest guy, I never rated her below 7. Seven, thats the number of Sins in that Brad Pitt movie. Seven, thats the minimum number of times Suvena repeatedly sang each song. Seven, thats also the number of days in a week...

I slept at around 1am that night. Suvena told me she turned in at close to 4am the next morning.

The Next Mourning

I woke her up at 8:45am on Saturday morning. Apparently, she had asked Hevun to wake her up at 8:45am, but only Hevun knows why she did not answer her mobile when he called. Hevun called me instead to give her a kick in the butt, but how could I bear to when I heard her voice. "I think I lost my voice ...", mourns a distraught Suvena. To note: its miraculous how quickly she jumped out of bed when I told her its 9am already; while it always takes me tons of patience and persistence to wake her up on a normal work day.

Time flew, and it was 5:30pm. We were supposed to meet up with the ex-Sanctuary gang at some food outlet at the newly renovated Marina Square. The place was easy to find - the taxi driver unknowingly dropped us right in front of the joint. Half of the gang were hiding in some dark corner, and we managed to spot them after5 minutes of navigating the massive crowds of Singaporeans queueing up at the soft drinks vending machine (apparently it was free flow of drinks). Now, we are just waiting for the other half of the gang, while my tummy is already growling.

Tummies are actually very good clocks. If I am feeling hungry while the day is bright, its lunch time; if I feel starved when its beginning to turn dark, its dinner time; if I feel hungry when its very dark, its probably passed bedtime; and if my tummy aches in the morning while at work, its usually 11am in the morning.

It turned out we had too many people to fit into the meagre 6 seats we have. The one guy in pink, occupying another 6 seats behind us, tapped me on the shoulder and told me not to bother waiting for him as he would be here for a long long time. We vacated out seats and empty tables and proceeded to look for alternatives. Ultimately, we decided on Han's Restaurant at some Great Eastern Building near Chinatown.

The Great Communicator

There were 8 of us, and we probably could not fit into 1 car. Silvermist called Hevun, who happened to be in the vicinity, to wait for 2 people to appear at the bus-stop outside the Esplanade and to bring these 2 people to Han's. Being the ones with more active life-styles, Suvena and I took a stroll to the Esplanade bus-stop. We found buses and buses there. Hevun knows where Hevun is. Suvena rang him up and found that he had grabbed 2 people (Kerrendor and Minou) and was already on his way to Han's. Kerrendor and Minou were supposed to be meeting us too, but they got wind of the location change from Silvermist while they were near the Esplanade so they made their way to Hevun's car directly. Anyway, Hevun decided to turn back and picked us up. We finally hopped in after Bus number 77!

Han's at Great Eastern building was a huge place. Food was pretty decent. After the hearty meal and lots of bantering, the ex-Sanctuary gang made our way to Chinatown on foot. We needed lanterns for the Lantern Festival. It was dejavu, as we recalled our childhood days of burning paper lanterns.

Shopping done, we walked towards Han's at Great Eastern building, past it and into PartyWorld Karaoke. If a picture says a thousand words, 2 pictures say 2 thousand words, and 10 pictures say 10 thousand words! Check out the event at studygroup.sheylara.com

豆浆离不开油条

Suvena was starved. She lost her voice and lost her concert. It was a night for the guys: Kerrendor, Khalrik, Dagonnex and Silvermist. The best way to make up for the emotional depravation was food! While Hevun wanted pool, the starved-crazed woman convinced him to make a trip to Geylang Lorong 8. With the exception of Kerrendor and Minou who were too exhausted to continue, the rest of the gang ended up at the King of 油条 for an early breakfast (3am). The King of 油条 was about 10 inches, and they come in pairs. Davienne was excited over it, but she pulled a long face when she realised that 豆浆 is different from 豆花. Despite her smaller than small frame (she thought she was as tall as Suvena and Elyxia), she lapped up the entire bowl of 豆花 and 2.5 油条.

Davienne is 1.62m, while Suvena and Elyxia are around 1.68m. They stood in front of the Sex Toy Shop at Geylang after eating many 油条. Height differences are quite distinguished when window shopping. Passer-bys looked on as they groped at the collections. Even though the shop was already closed, we had a hard time convincing them to go home. Its almost 4am, and we had to wake up at 6am ...

DragonBall

The ex-Sanctuary gang had to be on the ball if we want the Dragon Darathar dead. Dragons Aura had scheduled a raid on the overweight creature at 6pm. Converted, that meant 6am Singapore time. I pigged into bed and was rudely awoken by Suvena at 6am. The way to wake up a beauty is by kissing his/her lips, not the way she had done it. I broke the curse nonetheless and continued my sleep at the keyboards.

This raid was supposed to be a short 1 hour affair, but it was weird as it dragged until 1pm Sunday afternoon. I ended the raid naked, with just my golden boots and cotton gloves. It was mythical how Suvena did that to me while I was asleep on the keyboard ...

Man

You would have thought that I could now sleep until work the next day. We slept, but woke up at 4pm. My dad's birthday was just a couple of days ago, and he is treating us to dinner at Boon Lay Raja Restaurant at 6:30pm. Time was lacking as we had to grab him a present, buy carrot cake for Suvena to eat, then rush down to Jurong East for food. Buying a present for dad is never easy - it has to be symbolic, it has to mean something. We bought Hugo Boss Man for him - it symbolises a man, and it means that he is "man".

Dinner was pretty good. Suvena and I had to grab some groceries before going home. My parents and my brother went to the CD shop to get Wei Lian's CD Single, but it was sold out in Singapore. I am just glad he won - the judges were obviously very biased, and that Jun Yang guy was way too arrogant to be deserving of any awards. I had always thought the Project Superstar was some crap singing competition until one day, during the preliminaries, I heard a beautiful voice singing 远走高飞. I jumped out of my slumber and rushed to the television. It was Wei Lian singing. Ever since, I was hooked on the show - its just weird.

No Lootz No Raidz

I went home, half expecting to jump into bed immediately. Alas, I had to raid again. I waited 1 hour before the whole thing got going. From 9pm to 1am, we raided Cazic Thule with Dragons Aura. A Warlock Master 1 spell, Aura of Emptiness dropped. I immediately made some noises in the chat channel that I wanted to be in contention for it. When I logged off to sleep at 1am, lootz was not distributed until 1:30am when I was not around to submit a bid. I thought it would be circulated in Guild Chat for a couple of days for potential "bidders", but it was not to be. Anyway, it was awarded to someone else on my very first, my virgin bid! This is so disappointing!!

The folks must have thought that this aggro grabbing bastard should not have any more Master spells to build up even higher aggro. They missed the fact that Warlocks have the highest damage capacity at this point in time, and I happened to be in possession of many Masters and Adept IIIs, which the other Warlocks do not have. When I have casted these spells, it will result in the other Warlocks' spells not being able to take effect at all (i.e. no damage) because a lower version of the spell cannot override the higher version. Effectively, it becomes me doing the bulk of the damage. Anyway, I have switched to casting the Tier 1 and Tier 2 nukes during raids. It saves me gold pieces from repairing after death.

Its time to be a Lootz Hungry Bastard, and only attend raids when I grow up from a Whelp to becoming a Draconnus ... then maybe I will have a chance at the Phatz Lootz .... Morte the Lootz Whorez .... muahahahha!!

Baby Eye's First Step

2005-08-31T14:50:00.000+08:00

Day Before Today

Today is a bad day. In fact, everyday was bad since last week. It started with a mild sore throat, advanced to a sore throat and bad cough, finally hitting the summit with a bad throat, bad cough, blocked nose, runny nose and diarrhoea!! Eventually I saw a doctor yesterday afternoon and he wanted to give me MC. I look at my watch - 3p.m. now, only 3 hours left before I go home from work. If I take the MC for 3 hours, my office records will still reflect it as half day. In one year, I can only have xxx days of MC before I have to consume my normal leave if I fall sick. Ultimately, I went back to office to work, albeit without a MC. I "smoked" myself through the last 3 hours before I finally jumped into a taxi back home to rest.

Medicine is supposed to get you better. After a great dinner, I popped the pills and gulped the cough mixture. Then I logged into my EverQuest 2 account to play, expecting to feel much better anytime soon. I felt like shit after an hour or so, then I died in the game because my invisibility broke while I tripped over a stone and got hit for 10 points of damage initially, followed by poundings of couple hundred of damage from a dozen gnolls. Did I feel like shit because of the medication, or did my death made me feel like shit? Either way, I still feel like shit. I went to bed very soon, hoping I would feel better the next day after a solid 14 hours of sleep.

Today - 31st August 2005

Like I always tell my friends, no matter how expensive the food you eat, no matter how tasty it is, or even how fragrant it is, shit comes out in only 3 shades of colours (i.e. black, brown and green). Yellow shit belongs to the brown category by the way. I felt like shit the night before, I still feel like shit after 14 hours of sleep; and I am still sick after taking my menu of medication consisting of anti-biotics, flu tablets, cough mixture, diarrhoea pills and cough mixture. Work beckons, and I have no MC to shield me from it, so I ended up in office like every other day.

The very first email I received on 31st August 2005 was from a certain someone asking why she doesn't have certain figures in the report I sent to her. This is actually very stupid because that certain someone prepared the reporting template, and if there were no fields to fill in for those figures, then the figures will never be in the report she received. I had to expend another 5 emails to her before she finally realised it and requested for the figures to be included in future reports.

Lunch At Pizza Hut Restaurant

By the time I concluded this mini saga, it was time for lunch with my friends a.k.a. guildmates from EverQuest 2. We ordered the promotional set lunch for 4 - 5 at Far East Square's Pizza Hut Restaurant. There was supposed to be 5 people, but we only have 4 soup bowls and 4 glasses. This is stupid, why not just call it a set lunch for 4??? Next comes a mini plate of calamari, onion rings and drumlets. Each of us probably had one of each, but someone had 1 drumlet less. For the pizzas, we had a slice each, and only had 2 leftovers to fight over. All these for a total of $46~ after GST, or about $9 per person. Incidentally, Pizza Hut had a promotional meal for a single person $8.95++ that comes with a personal pan pizza, soup and drinks. We should have probably taken the personal meals instead. After a horrible lunch, we headed for Mr Teh Tarik Pte Ltd, got ourselves either the Tongkat Ali drink or a Teh Tarik (Alia) and went back to office.

After Lunch

The morning email saga continued after lunch. That certain someone prepared 2 tables of numbers and asked me to confirm their validity. I took a quick look at the table and fainted. If A=1 and B=2, it does not necessarily mean that C=3 and D=A+B+C+D. I bluntly replied that I do not understand the table, and sent her a "brand new table", remnants of my morning email to her. She thought it looked good, and the torture finally ended.

First Blog

Work eventually ended, and I reached home feeling exhausted. I browsed Rockson's blog, laughed my butt off his dumb stories and scrowled at the "Singaporean" who thought he was so glamarous and upright.

Then Rockson's abusive humour suddenly struck me - should I do a blog too? Registration was quick, and my first blog was on the way. My friends started a MSN conversation and invited me to join the discussion. I told them I was busy doing my blog. They laughed their pants off.

Silvermist said, "Morte (my warlock's name in EverQuest 2) and blogs don't seem to go together. Its like Silvermist and Lah Sup KTV." Errr, I think Silvermist and Lah Sup KTV goes together; so Morte and blogs should be a fine couple!!

In my sickly and drowsy state, I got inspiration to write about .... my sickly and drowsy state!! Bleh, I am still sick nonetheless, and I still feel like shit. Maybe I should just stay home everyday and rest in the arms of my cuddly wife ... yah I should do just that ..... but then if both of us do not work, where got money buy computer write blog??!!

Till my next article, please allow me to part with my famous phrase: "Shit smells like shit and looks like shit no matter what you eat!"